The End of a Thing

 

Why is there such joy in problem solving?

Probably because when tasks seem daunting there is a need to want to get help. Whether car repair or new plumbing, the beginning of a project is like looking up at a mountain you have to climb.

 It’s all stress and insecurity and unknowns. Two questions hang loosely in the air like a fine mist--How long is this going to take and do I know what I’m doing?

Two years ago I decided to tile my kitchen floor. I did a little research (YouTube) and talked to the guys at Lowes. I made multiple trips to pick up equipment I’d missed the first time. I rented a tile cutter after the hand one proved useless. I bought cement backer board to lie down under the tile. My neighbor owed me a favor so I asked him to work off his debt by helping. He had done it once before and I needed someone with experience.

I would describe the finished product as decent, just don't look too close. It wasn’t pretty and we made some mistakes measuring and cutting the tiles but it came off right. I didn’t figure it out completely. I had help but the bulk of the work was me and my neighbor talked me through some of it. The planning and execution felt good and some of the insecurity I initially felt washed away with the cleanup.

Seeing a project to its end brings a reward unlike anything else.

I’ve been trying to figure out how to use WordPress. Trying to get my business going is a challenge for a lot of reasons but mostly, it’s my lack of knowledge with WordPress. I don’t think I realized what I was getting into but that’s a gripe for another day. Time spent trying to figure out how to make the website colorful, put borders around text or add images is not my idea of fun.

Someone has to do it though. I can’t keep paying some freelancer to do aesthetic stuff. Yesterday I sat down and just worked it. I opened every box, clicked every clickable icon, edited every piece of text and previewed the results a hundred times. It seemed ridiculous to spend so much time and energy on such a simple task. I’ll spend hours writing and not notice the time but 5 minutes on an image, outrageous!

 But I figured it out. The process dogged me until I nearly broke the screen in a fit of rage, but I figured it out.

Solving problems (even little ones) is rewarding because we see ourselves differently. An exclamation mark replaces the question mark.  Often, the actual problem isn’t that tough but my attitude works against me. My lack of will to start in the first place puts a lid on the whole ordeal. It’s probably the single biggest roadblock to progress. I’ve noticed this in all types of scenarios. Whenever a difficult or unwanted task demands attention I make it worse with my lack of enthusiasm or just plain loathing.

Self improvement is this way too. From fad diets for weight loss and CrossFit for muscle, if our attitude is less than enthusiastic we’ll never see it through. King Solomon wrote “The end of a thing is better than its beginning; the patient in spirit is better the proud in spirit.” (Ecclesiastes 7:8) I imagine he saw a lot of efforts fail due to attitude or neglect. He must have known the troubles that creep in with building projects. He is responsible for the temple which took 7 years to complete. Building anything requires patience and diligence. It also requires a flexible, resilient attitude to all the changes that come up. How often does a plan that takes 7 years to complete go according to script?

Solomon doesn’t strike me as a rotten attitude kind of guy. I don’t mean he didn’t get angry and shout at the builders on occasion or kick the unfinished walls after a fight with the designers, I am talking about his passion for the job. His commitment saw the project through no matter how bad the day to day alterations were. The finished work of the temple wasn’t just a load off his shoulders, it was a standing testament to diligence.

Beginnings are easy. I begin projects all the time. Sometimes I even begin longer term ones that take weeks or months, like online classes and landscaping jobs. In between starting and finishing is a whole world of problems to solve that knock people out. That middle bit gets tricky. But challenge yourself to see the next one through and you’ll know what Solomon meant about the end being superior to the beginning.

 

 

 

Adulting Made Easy: Psalms 31

 

Psalms 31

The goodness of the Lord is never ending and He remains a refuge in dark times.

I made the comment the other night on our men’s group chat that pastors have a tendency to make serving the Lord sound easy. I wasn’t being nasty or calling them out, but most of us in that group were raised in a mainstream, born-again Christian church.

 When we are young we don’t have a lot of experience in tough life lessons (there are exceptions). Whether a painful divorce or an addiction to drugs and alcohol, we hadn’t fully experienced some of the chaos of life. The pain is often a result of our poor choices in life but not always. Sometimes others bring about misery that affects those closest to them.

There is a childlike understanding of the how the world operates that eventually dies in us when hardship creeps in. The scriptures give us all the answers we need but how often do we really sit down and absorb them like we should? The Psalms are full of desperation and cries to God for deliverance. It takes going through real struggles to really feel his heart and cling to the Father for help. That desperation doesn’t ring true for kids the way it does for adults.

“I am forgotten like a dead man, out of mind; I am like a broken vessel. For I hear the slander of many; fear is on every side; while they take counsel together against me, they scheme to take away my life.” (verse 12-13)

Much of that is specific to the weight of responsibility that comes from leadership. But it’s not just leaders that understand opposition, when we believe God for anything in faith the enemy will attack.

The ‘easy’ walk message with Christ is probably unique to the particular brand of protestant, faith centric religion I’m familiar with. But it’s also the way I used to understand the message of the gospel and not necessarily the intent from the speaker.

 The “Christian” designation is hardly telling of your belief structure. If you were fortunate enough to hear sound teaching from the scriptures at all, consider yourself blessed. But a lot of denominations focus on the suffering and struggle of a walk with Christ to the extent it feels like all there is. Which begs the question, what’s the point of believing in a resurrected Christ, Who conquered sin and death? Where is our hope in a life of victory over Satan’s attack?

Sometimes the straight scripture is muddled from teacher to student, a great example of why we need to read it for ourselves.  

When we move from adolescence into adulthood we hopefully “put away childish things” like Paul says in I Corinthians 13:11. We put away the gospel too, which we never truly learned, as if it were an inspirational book that held no clarity for our modern dilemmas. And as much as we want to throw some blame towards our childhood faith, we never grasped the true nature of faith.

We wanted the victory without the war.

We never read and believed it because we didn’t want to do the work of faith. We didn’t plant the seeds and water them. We didn’t speak the scriptures and put aside the creeping doubt that snuck in like an invasive weed. We didn’t hold fast to that truth when the drought came and the wind, threatening to destroy our promise from God. We didn’t plant ourselves, tree like, near the rivers and develop a root system that would sustain us through the dry times. Fortunately for Christians it’s never too late to start. Some just take longer to put away the toys.

 King David writes from a place of experience.

“I will be glad and rejoice in Your mercy, For You have considered my trouble; You have known my soul in adversities, and have not shut me up into the hand of the enemy; You have set my feet in a wide place.” (verse 7-8)

When churches teach success and victory it’s because that’s what Christ’s life was about. His victory over death, sin and disease is our victory too. But we need to do the work of reading God’s Word and applying it to our life. We need to know that ‘wide place’ that David knew. We need to know how to talk about victory and success in this life because we’ve seen our Heavenly Father bring us through the dark times.

  

Exercise and Running

 

I haven’t done an exercise article in some time.

 Not because I’m sitting around eating apple fritters and downing chocolate milk. Oh I’m doing that too but mostly there isn’t a lot to report on. Notice how slyly I turned my “running” blog into an “exercise” blog. You didn’t even notice did you? All this talk about getting up early on the weekends and finding some raw, unseen power to crush mile after mile under my New Balances... Ha!

 I’m still putting in work but life has been a little busier these last few weeks. So I’ve transferred a lot of my city running to the treadmill, in addition to other cardio work that’s honestly just as tough.

I dare anyone to walk the stair climber for 30 minutes and not be more whipped than 3 miles jogging in the heat.

Last week was vacation which means no work outs, zero. We need to take a break sometimes from work and play--remember what is was like to sleep in for a few days in row. I’m not sure what exercise falls into. Most days it seems like work. It’s consistent and difficult and I don’t usually want to go. The week before vacation was a home project, my mom needed a French drain for her condo. The week before that it rained. Well, it rained at some point. I do remember being happy with the approaching clouds when I rolled back to sleep after checking the weather at 6:00 am. In-between I’ve done a few 4 and 5 mile jogs on the treadmill but no long runs in the heat.

This is beginning to sound like excuse making I’ll grant it. But my foot needed the rest anyway. I’ve had some irritation again after my longish run (9.5) almost a month ago. It wasn’t serious but it always hurts after longer days.  The heat hadn’t moved in to the area yet but the sun was threatening to make it feel hotter than the temperature showed. I needed to push myself that day because I hadn’t run a long distance in some time. I had a few 6 and 7 miles but nothing over that since the colder days.  

Right now at least I’m not concerned with training for specific races. The idea with a lot of runners is they join a group with a goal in mind. Sometimes it’s a 5K or a 10K. Often they can be ready to do a whole marathon with the right mindset and coaching. For me permanent fitness is the goal. It probably sounds like a lazy way to avoid doing the work of actually running every 3 to 4 days. But I’m not training for a race and I have other ways of making sure cardio remains the goal. I make sure I get at least 30 minutes per day 5 days a week. 

The weekend running is all bonus time and I enjoy it as much now as I did when I started.

I mentioned the 80/20 training method in a previous post. The idea is to run 80 percent of your total distance at a slow pace and 20 percent at a quick pace. This builds endurance by strengthening legs and lungs. It works well for indoor (treadmill) stuff but I don’t love it for the outdoors. I hate looking at the watch all the time and I’m still not comfortable jogging slowly. I haven’t given it the effort it deserves but I have time to figure it out.  

 

  

 

Familiarity and Contempt: Crowds and Stress

 

I got off work tonight and took a pair of running shorts back to TJ Maxx. I've lost some weight so I thought I'd buy some smaller gear. Turns out I haven't lost that much.

 I tried to go Saturday but the smallish retail space was packed full of shoppers like the mall at Christmas. There were 4 or 5 checkout lanes all lit up so the business was prepared for the onslaught. Still, I don’t like shopping at all and anything that makes it more difficult is an easy pass for me. I walked in, looked around and promptly left. The word bubble over my head said “Nope!”

Some people hate crowds, others Really hate crowds. Usually I’m in the later camp.

There are exceptions of course. I went to a big fireworks show last year in Hot Springs with some high school friends. That 4^th of July we went to the bridge on the outside of town overlooking a big lake and watched an awesome display. I don’t mind crowds as much with friends and family. I’m about to head to Tennessee in a few days for a family reunion minus two brothers. On vacation I tend to soften my attitude to sharp criticism or aggressive behavior. If you can’t relax on vacation then when can you? I get that airports and shuttles and rental cars and hotels can be exhausting. What helps me is just refusing to get in a hurry. I take the attitude “I’m going to enjoy even if it takes a few extra minutes”. Life is stressful enough without putting extra layers of anxiety on top of what’s already there.

Driving Uber helps me calm down. Not that I always want to drive through the busiest time of night, 5:00 p.m. right after work. But I hate to rush. I make mistakes when I rush and accidents happen. I had a minor crash earlier this year after a very icy morning. I slammed into my curb on the way out of my driveway. I needed a replacement tie rod so nothing major. Still, I hurried out and hit the brake even after reminding myself that the roads were slick. That was a tough week for tow trucks. I tried to drive it to the dealership with only partial steering, another bad choice. I called a tow truck from the side of the road and they gave me a 6 hour window. Not their fault of course, mother nature had its way with Tulsa that week. Wrecker companies (do people still call them that?) were basically printing money.

The more reckless driving days I have the more cautious I become. It’s too expensive to be in a hurry.

I need to change my attitude in stressful and busy times. 

I’m working on a plan for reversing my negative attitude at work due to stress. Mostly I keep my complaints about customers to myself. I’ve tried hard not to let my occasional irritation bleed through in my expressions or demeanor. I’m not sure how much of my bad mood is work itself and how much is just my lack of knowing how to deal with it. I had a thought today. This has to be the last time I do this particular job. I legitimately hate sizing kids in uniforms all day, all summer long. Hundreds of kids will come through the door from late May to late July. All of them will need to try on something. Most are pleasant enough but the routine and familiarity from season to season creates disgust in me. It’s terrible to say I know.

Who was it that said “Familiarity breeds contempt”? that man did uniform sizing's I'm sure of it.

 Everyone works harder during the summer; it’s our busy season so we have to go with the flow. I’m not sure if I’d prefer to do something else but I’d sure like to try. I think my face to face customer service days are over. It’s like something I feel in my bones. It’s not that I’m nasty to them. But I think there comes a time, or maybe a season, where a person just can’t do the same job anymore. And I think I’m there.

Of course all of this could be just complaining about being told to work when I’d rather read news articles on my computer, but I don’t think so. I’ve worked enough jobs in life to know that all work on some level, at certain times is just miserable. It’s the nature of fighting against your flesh daily. The next 2 months will bear this out and I’ll decide if I want to keep going with this job or go a different direction. I’ve been here waaaaay longer than I thought already so I won’t be sad to go. But the Spirit leads in all truth and I want to go when the time is right. I want to go when I’m right. I’ll go when God says “Go”.

So what’s this got to do with crowds and hating them? It comes down to stress I think. I don’t like to be rushed and I’m rushed a lot in crowds. It’s just an emotion I need to control before it turns to anger. Between Uber driving and shopping trips I’ll be a peace guru before Christmas, when the real nuttiness begins.

Psalms 7: King David's Pattern

 

If you look close you’ll pick up on an order to the David Psalms.

It’s not present all the time or in the same way, but there is a pattern. He begins with a specific prayer for rescue from enemies and evil doers. He follows that with a commitment to hold himself to the standard of the law lest he be guilty of some personal sin. Third, he begs God to honor His word for the sake of His people. Fourth he reminds himself and others of the Lord’s righteous judgement. It’s like saying, don’t worry nothing escapes Jehovah. Lastly he gives thanks for victory.

Psalm 7 is a good example of this. The order really jumped out to me. Here is the first 2 verses, and David’s prayer for rescue “O Lord my God in You I put my trust; Save me from all those who persecute me; and deliver me, lest they tear me like a lion…” The Psalmist is desperate for God’s protection in time of stress.

 Security is the first concern of leadership, threats to your life are especially daunting. Without a measure of safety it’s impossible to do anything else, it’s a helpless feeling. During the Iraq war the US set up a “Green Zone” in Baghdad with hard checkpoints miles out. Why? They couldn’t conduct any other part of the war without first getting a secure area for their war planners, ambassadors and functionaries. David knows God’s protection is the starting place for comfort.

Next is his realization of his own sin. This is the honest ‘search my heart’ prayer that’s necessary when demanding retribution. A lot of us carry bitterness we aren’t aware of, not to mention jealousy or wrath. “If there is iniquity in my hands, If I have repaid evil to him who was at peace with me, or have plundered my enemy without cause, let the enemy pursue me and overtake me” This is what the Fear of the Lord looks like. David has too much respect for the Jehovah’s law.

 It sounds a little like confidence to me too. He is showing the Heavenly Father a pure innocent heart. Ever been truly wronged without cause? It makes you want to show your cards a bit like “Hey, I’ll show you my phone records if it helps your Honor!” You’re in the right and you can’t wait to prove it.

The next part sounds to me like a kid reminding his dad of that trip to Disney he promised but has yet to deliver on. I imagine an emotional David saying “You promised, remember? You did!” It’s not frustration as much as impatience. “Rise up for me to the judgment You have commanded! So the congregation of the peoples shall surround You; For their sakes return on high.” (verse 6-7) Part of this is the heavy responsibility that comes from the well-being of others. I don’t know if David is a king yet but he is thinking like a leader. He knows the importance of divine justice for those who’ve suffered.

In our culture we’ve lost a bit of this idea of a God that punishes the wicked, ancient cultures did not. Probably because of our comparatively peaceful existence, we put more emphasis on forgiveness. In David’s time small invading armies could wipe out a people overnight. Most were one heated battle away from destruction or captivity.

God’s judgement is swift but slow. “God is a just judge, and God is angry with the wicked every day. If he does not turn back He will sharpen His sword; He bends His bow and makes it ready. He also prepares for Himself instruments of death; He makes his arrows into fiery shafts.” (verse 11-13) Remember too that this is the God of the Old Covenant with the Hebrews. It’s important for those who have suffered serious injustice to know that Yahweh fights their battles, for us too.

There is a reason those from war torn societies, usually believe in God. They need to know that an eternal judgement is due those who practice violence against the innocent. When famine wipes out populations and genocide ruins tribes, it helps to know where hope is.

The psalmist finishes with giving of thanks for the yet unseen victory. “I will praise the Lord according to His righteousness, and will sing praise to the name of the Lord Most High.” (verse 17). It’s important to understand that David isn’t just ‘getting it off his chest’ in cathartic sort of way. There is some usefulness in that for sure. If you haven’t sat down at least once and blasted out an angry screed in writing, I’d recommend it. I always feel a little better afterwards, just don’t, you know... hit send.

He reminds himself always of the bigness of God. That’s the point of it all. David understands that God will rescue, comfort, punish and fight the battle because He has done it before. The praise isn’t premature; it’s recognition of the victory yet unseen.

Not all of the Psalms reflect this exact format, but you’ll see elements in nearly every one. If the pattern worked for David it can work for us.

How Woke is the Military?

 

I did a quick google search for “military effect on manhood”. The top sites on the first page were all about the negative effects, not exactly what I had in mind. Google’s usefulness is often what it leaves out. Searches should tell us where the culture is on a particular issue, increasingly though it tells us where we should go.

I wanted traditional views about military service and manliness, or how the rigors of Army life encourage maturity in men. No such luck. I just went for manliness instead, seeing as how all the military and manliness articles are mostly negative. Not much better, most are about how manliness is toxic or how masculinity is a construct to be examined like a dead frog in a biology lab. I wanted to contrast the traditional with the modern and show a dramatic difference. But since I can’t do that I’ll just post the views of the new commander at Fort Carson and let you decide which one he fits into.

Here is how he describes himself on his Twitter bio: “Combined Arms Battalion Commander. Infantryman who loves tanks. Fervent anti-racist and anti-sexist. Views my own. He/him. Trying my best.”

This page screams woke. He even put his pronouns in there! This is the new Commander of the freaking base, not a colorless HR spokesman. Naturally I saw the need to contrast this weak man with a traditional leader without going back to George Washington. Even General Mattis (as Def. Sec) for all his tough guy talk recommended keeping transgender soldiers in service and recruiting more. Eventually he supported president Trump recommendation to eliminate almost all transgender soldiers from service. That he couldn't see for himself how destabilizing mental illness can be to morale is beyond me.

So this new LTC (Lieutenant Colonel) Andrew Rhodes of the base at Fort Carson reportedly said “If you’re a white male you’re part of the problem”. I hit the ceiling. This isn’t a dopey professor at a small liberal arts college in New England; this is a leader in the Army. Thankfully there is an investigation.

Has the military really gone that far into the abyss and been transformed into this? Is it the schools than? Do West Point and Annapolis and Colorado Springs attract these woke students? I can’t believe that the greatest fighting force the world has ever seen is this far from its history as defender of freedom. Soldiers are patriots or they wouldn’t bother. Ok so not every kid that joins is a flag waving Republican from the heartland. But he isn’t a Marxist revolutionary either. The language of “intersectionality” and “Critical Race Theory” and “Gendering” is now part of military esprit de corps. God help us.

A few weeks ago a Lt. Col was removed from his post as Commander of the 11^th Space Warning Squadron. Apparently his interview about his new book was seen as too partisan. He wrote about creeping Marxism in the military, ironically enough.

In March the Biden administration introduced a ‘diversity and inclusion’ czar to deal with the elite forces like Delta and Rangers. Just what those toxic males need, some non-gendering language questionnaires to sort out their aggressive behavior.  I prefer the marketing of my youth. Whether the Marines and their ‘Few and Proud’ ads or the Army with their “Be all You can Be” campaign, there was an unmistakable challenge to excellence. 

Contained in each ad was the offer to be a part of the best and become the best. It said this heritage of service goes back to our founding, it’s sacred and requires duty from citizens. It defeated Communism during the Cold War and National Socialism during World War II. It saved the new Republic from an invading British fleet in the War of 1812. It preserved the Union and made sure slavery ended with the Confederacy. We didn’t do it alone but we are the indispensable country to individual freedom around the world. The global order depends on it.

Critics will say my complaints are overwrought nonsense and the essential character of the armed forces is the same. But can we afford to be so blasé about such a critical institution to peace and security? Not a chance. Who would you rather go to war against, a nation full of hardened soldiers or one that talks about inclusion and race? Who looks to be the more challenging foe, one that touts its training and toughness or one that obsesses about pronouns and gender?

I’m not saying our military is shot through top to bottom with snowflakes, just the opposite actually. There is an attempt by left wingers running the country to gut the armed forces of its patriotic men and women in positions of leadership. This should be obvious by now and it has to stop. I don’t know where to go from here but without the nation’s defenders we’re like a fortress surrounded by cardboard walls. It looks imposing but with a little push it collapses on top of itself like a false religion. 

Next time I do a search for masculinity and the military I’m afraid Google will bring up pages on ancient history.

image taken from: https://laptrinhx.com/news/the-military-industrial-complex-is-going-woke-W72AlQQ/

Prayer for Comfort

 

A witnessed something jarring this afternoon. A man clinging to a fence overlooking a highway, had set his mind on jumping to the interstate below. I passed by in the turning lane and the guy in the F150 put on his hazards and got out. He signaled to me that he was going to talk to this guy as another man had found his way on the walkway over the overpass. A small crowd formed on the other side of the fence intent on helping this man. I had just picked up a customer at Quik Trip, with Uber, and I considered getting out as well. I opted to keep going because it seemed enough people were helping out. I did the best thing I know how to do at that moment, pray. The passenger in back noticed the jumper too. Our conversation on the military (we are both veterans) stopped at that moment and for about a minute the situation felt very tense.

 I never found out what happened. As I drove off a small crowd had gathered but I never heard another word. I prayed under my breath for the next few minutes for the man to have a change of heart.I checked the news later to see if there were stories about Tulsa closing the highway or a man threatening to kill himself. Thankfully nothing came up after a quick search.

Even without knowing the result I’m touched by a few things. The gentleman who stopped his truck and hopped out to help, no hesitation in him. Another shirtless passerby who looked like he might be homeless himself, appeared to be talking the guy down. Others got out of their cars as well. I saw one asshole on a motorcycle who took his helmet off to say “Jump Man!” I'm pretty sure I saw a few people taking pictures or video with their phones, so callous. The best and worst of humanity summed up in one incident, heaven and hell battling for the soul of this man, who felt the need to end his life. Satan drove this guy to contemplated suicide, through a failed relationship, an addiction or just a loss of zeal for life. Possibly this man was off his meds and struggled with Schizophrenia or Depression. We should not be confused that the enemy comes to “steal, kill and destroy” and uses every tool to that end.

I resumed my conversation with the passenger in the back, both of us sharing a little bit of ourselves and our experiences in the military. My heart wasn’t in the conversing. Thoughts of the near jumper standing on that ledge with his feet halfway over the edge and his fingers white knuckling the fence still penetrated my head. Should I have gotten out and talked to him? Prayer is the most powerful tool in any event, but it still makes me wonder if I should have done more.  

Help me to learn from the incident Lord and not be fearful or indecisive in the face of certain trouble. I guess a part of my rethinking of the incident is personality. Some people look inward assuming they should have done more, been more or said more. Writers break down their actions into thoughts, after the fact, and pick the thoughts up like pieces of fruit to be inspected for quality and consistency. It's exhausting but it's how I've been trained, journal the incident and figure out what went wrong. 

Life is sacred. Evil is real. The earth is the Lords but Satan controls it and twists the minds of men to do his bidding. Suicide is rooted in a lie that we aren’t enough. Combatting the powers in this earth demands a commitment to God’s kingdom. I’m certainly more aware of it every day and I don’t believe I passed by that bridge on accident. But with every close call I’m reminded of the importance of being rooted in Christ.
“For though we walk in the flesh we do not war according to the flesh.” (2 Corinthians 10:4”)

Sometimes there is no good answer to a bad situation. Prayer is both offense and defense in the face of certain trouble. Even for those that look inward first, God is always there and always active.