Versus: Mayo--Miracle Whip

Our country is divided right now. We argue about politics, religion, college football and cuisine. Mostly it doesn’t matter as much as we pretend but we like to go on record just the same. We need a team, a cause, an issue. In the spirit of picking sides and trashing the ‘other’ a classic head to head battle of jars emerges, mayo or Miracle Whip. One is completely right, the other egregiously wrong. Grab a knife and pick a side.

Any right thinking person knows that mayonnaise is the most essential ingredient for any sandwich. If you don’t know that you’re a monster. That refined creaminess and cool smooth texture peps up breads and meats. From Pastrami and Roast Beef on rye to turkey and ham on a Kaiser roll, nothing is more central. It’s perfect for mixing with tuna or chicken, hence salad dressing, or adding to a cheeseburger. 

Miracle Whip is trash. Too sweet, too tangy, too spicy, too much. It’s overpowering in a way that condiments shouldn’t be. Condiments are complements; that’s why the words are so close in sound (Just go with it). They support the primary pile of meats, cheeses, vegetables and mustard. Your spread shouldn’t be the strongest taste in the mix. You wouldn't let the bassist drown out the lead singer would you?

  

So what is the main difference anyway? Those who push ersatz mayonnaise, like Miracle Whip, want you to think it's 'basically' the same thing. After a little searching I found out the biggest difference is in the oil content of mayo. The FDA has standards for mayo that Miracle Whip doesn’t meet. Mayo is mostly oil with eggs (uncooked) some seasonings and salt. Miracle Whip doesn’t use the same amount of eggs and substitutes in corn starch and other mystery ingredients for a noticeable stronger taste. 

 Mayo is easy enough to make but I probably won’t. It’s unlikely I could improve on something that Kraft already perfected. Kraft's version of mayo is the best to me. Hellmann's is decent as well.

Miracle Whip is mostly water, a little oil with eggs and a concoction of sweeteners. It's almost half the calories of mayo which will probably entice some people. If I chose my food based solely on healthy properties and caloric content I’d be a miserable sap. I’d be healthier sure, but all that label reading guarantees avoiding foods I love.

Mayo has been around longer. Some sources I found traced it back a few hundred years ago to France. Miracle Whip is a creation from Kraft foods, which tried to boost sales in the early 1930s. They basically created a cheaper version of the good stuff. It debuted at the World’s Fair in Chicago 1933. Of course they both cost about the same now; it’s funny to think of mayonnaise as a hoity toity delicacy. Apparently in the Depression era it was.

 I imagine most people like whichever variety they were raised on as a kid. We seemed to have both at different times, or whichever was on sale that particular week. I had my share of both but started to prefer mayonnaise at some point. It’s tough to trace these things exactly. What I do know is I can’t substitute them anymore. They're just too different.

So to summarize: fans of mayonnaise are honest, selfless, good natured and understand fine dining. Miracle Whip devotees are sketchy, unloved and have no appreciation for quality.

It isn’t too late to switch to mayonnaise and see what you’ve missed.    

  

Killers of the Flower Moon

I finished reading the book “Killers of the flower Moon” recently. I always have trouble describing the type of format for this style. For a similar type book think “The Devil in the White City”. Amazon lists it as “Historical Fiction” because the research writes the story while imagining some of the middle parts. ‘Killers’ is part murder mystery and part meticulous research. Focused on the Osage Nation and the murders surrounding the once wealthy tribe members, it brings a lesser known period to life. 

 I was expecting a handful of murders or sad unsolved crimes from a forgotten era. The scale of the killings shocked me, as did their brazen nature. The author, David Grann, links bad federal policy and racist notions about the ‘red man’ to an abundance of cash rich Natives. Those combinations fuel the chaos and greed of a select few. These aren’t murders as much as massacres. In Osage county lives are cheap but "headrights" are like gold.

The Osage were quite rich after the discovery of oil on their land. They leased it to drillers and profited from the royalties oil brought in. This made a handful of them very rich. But due to crooked Federal laws placing a non-native (white) guardian in charge of their allotments, many were swindled. In many cases, native Osage land owners with full royalties on the mineral rights to their property couldn’t even decide what to do with their own money. The fraudulent nature of this whole setup attracts con artists. I’ll leave some of the scheming to the readers to discover. Those who live in and around Osage County in Oklahoma might be aware of the murderous period called the Reign of Terror, I was completely surprised.

The second part of the story is the FBI angle. You have to think of Oklahoma, and most Western states, as barely governable by the local authorities. Although genuine attempts to solve some of these egregious killings were made, they encountered too much resistance and often just gave up. The Bureau finally sent in a team and eventually unraveled some despicable cover ups and sinister plans. It took a long time and a lot of what most of us associate with FED tactics, using low level criminals to turn testimony, making deals and offering protection. J Edgar Hoover enlisted the help of a very capable former Texas Ranger named Tom White, to look into the killings. White was helped by some undercover agents living and working among the Osage.

I guess Martin Scorsese and Leonardo DiCaprio are making this into a movie. Should be fun.  

Running Update

I ran in the cold yesterday, haven't done that since the Army. 

My chest ached for most of day. I don’t know if it’s supposed to feel like I’m getting a cold, or if my body just isn’t used to the chill yet. The air was calm at around 30 degrees but carried an icy edge that stung a little at first. When I started out I didn’t know what to expect. A lot of times when going for a new jogging challenge the results are disappointing. A few weeks ago I set out to do the same run but because the wind was blowing hard I turned around. It was at least 10 degrees warmer then but the blustery conditions created a whole new level of problems.

There are still a lot of leaves scattered around and feeling them on my face is a bit like walking into a landscape crew blowing off a driveway. The dust makes it impossible to see and even with sunglasses covering my eyes the wind forces tiny particles around the lenses. I just figured it wasn’t worth it. Cold is one thing but wind is something entirely different.

Overall running in the colder weather is much easier for distance than those brutal July and August mornings. The exhaustion in summer time is almost entirely from the heat and humidity. In the fall and winter, the exhaustion isn’t as total. I’m learning to pace myself much better than I used to. When you train for time and keep the distance to less than 3 miles, you develop a pace that accommodates it-steady, fast, heavy. But by doubling and even tripling the distance, you learn how to preserve energy better and not get caught looking at the watch.

So I’ve learned how to run slower and regulate pace over the last year. Fast quick steps up hills and long strides on declines keeps me from overextending. It’s tough for me to run on treadmills and hope to get the same feeling. Treadmills are almost always more difficult for me, probably because it’s hard to alternate pace quickly and respond to hills. Not to mention, having calories, pace, distance and heart rate illuminated makes it impossible to think of anything else. One advantage of a longish run is being able to zone out a little mentally and not worry about the stats. Treadmill data is constant and unrelenting.

For me exercise has always meant either lifting weights or doing cardio, but rarely both in the same routine. Since I passed 40 years old recently, it makes more sense to combine the two. Light weights for core strength and resistance training to tighten up leg muscles round out my new routines. What’s the goal? Short term I’d like to do a half marathon. Long term I’d like to do a handful per year. At this point I don’t want to run a full 26.2 miles. I can’t say I never will, but for now a half is a good goal to shoot for. I’m not too far off either.

This might be the year that I join a local running group. I need the motivation.