The downside of "Done!"

You know that question that pops up in job interviews…the one everyone hates to answer truthfully because if we did we might not get the job? If you haven’t been interviewed in a while here it is: “Name something you would like to fix about yourself?” Occasionally it gets worded this way “What would you say is a weakness you have?” Most of us say things like “I just wish I had more hours in the day, to do more work” or “I have to do everything perfect, all the time…” We answer that way because it makes us look good even in our pseudo-weakness. We don't really mean it though.

The interviewer isn’t buying it either.

An honest answer for many might be “Well, I don’t like alarm clocks first thing in the morning! If the sun isn’t up…forget about it. Whiskey does that to me you know?” Some of us are miserable at work and our co-workers avoid us like jury duty. An honest answer from them would be “I constantly blow up over the slightest problems and stew over perceived abuses. People don’t involve me in projects because I can’t handle even marginal changes in course.”

I get that one by the way. People who like routine hate surprises. I hate surprises.

For me though the primary stumbling block however is my need to finish things at the expense of quality. Not that the quality is awful or that I smack a timer, lightning chess style, every time I finish a minor task. I do scream “done!” into the PA system and dance around fists in air though (Not Really).

In my world “done” means “complete” and “complete” means “success”.

I’ve tried to figure out why I am so obsessed with finishing the thing instead of perfecting the thing. I really do hate the details of the thing and roll my eyes anytime a coworker points to the imperfections of the thing. “Hey!” I shout “Did you do the thing…the thing that needed to be done? Huh, did you? No you didn’t. I did, only me. Ok so the stuff is the wrong color and parts are crooked, and yes I did notice the size is off, but it’s finished dammit!”

An invisible clock ticks away inside my head keeping an update of the progress and mapping it out in real time. Most video games have levels to conquer or villains to kill. Progress is mapped out electronically, coins are added up. The avatar moves heroically along the graph, winning and succeeding through the fantasy world. Were any of these games designed by bored employees who ran out of projects? Probably.

My honest answer to a questioner would have to be “Being task oriented means I ignore details that slow me down, critical details that are the difference between right and wrong, making money and losing money.” The good news is everyone has something to work on, some have more than one. Knowing your soft spot is half the solution; working on it is the other half.

The best way to help yourself is by finding someone who is opposite in technique and copying them for a while. Notice their habits. What differences exist that could explain their success? Ask them to describe their process.

Here is what I’ve found. People who have success do so by checking things off the list only when all details are met. Sometimes there is a literal checklist and other times just a mental one. By using lists and double checking things I’ve sharpened up some of my sloppier habits. It does kill me (just a little) to slow down and comb over things I would have called finished before. By doing this I catch mistakes quicker and avoid embarrassing discussions with the boss about why the thing fell apart after I finished it, and shouted “done!”

Also, some are just freakishly smart and remember everything. They never write things down and never have to. They just win. Don’t be like them. If you struggle to remember what you had for breakfast don’t try to remember details of a complicated project. Get a checklist. Fill it out. Go through the motions of double checking no matter how much it pains your sensibilities. The fact is we can all improve our habits, fix our shortcomings and decide which color looks best on the thing.

And the next time we get the dreaded “What would you say is a weakness you have?” we can answer honestly and add “I’ve got some ideas for how to improve it now.” 

"Personal Best!"

Running/Jogging is a thinking man’s sport. You can exercise while thinking of something else. No pesky scores to remember or teammates with attitudes “We get it Carl you PLAYED QUARTERBACK IN HIGH SCHOOL!” Forest Gump got it right when he said “I just felt like running”… of course he did. Is there any better feeling for the body than sweating it out after a hard run? Maybe running isn’t a traditional sport with competition and defense but for me it does the same thing.

Life is like running (and a box of chocolates). We start out with help and instruction but eventually are expected to figure it out alone. Some of us can’t get past the breathing exercise and the weight loss. Others can’t go more than a hundred yards without support or help from friends, family. Many never get training at all and have to rely on what they observe or feel. A rare few figure out their pace and stride hard all the way through. Most of us have some “am I doing it right?” type questions along the way.

 I had to think about what I really like about running though. It isn’t like I run every day or have a long tradition of signing up for races. I didn’t run track or cross country in high school. I developed a keen interest in jogging while in the Army. By ‘keen interest’ I mean forced to points of exhaustion against my will on a regular basis.  That is probably where it started, the pressing importance of getting exercise through running.

Running has taught me lessons since I started doing it regularly. Serious athletes run marathons and half marathons and keep schedules for total miles and have nutrition charts. All that is great but I just like the feeling of completing a goal. The goal isn’t usually too tough, 2 or 3 miles at most. The biggest lesson from running? Finish what you started even if you have to limb along the last few yards.

Running is unlike other sports or exercise because it is grueling where tennis and basketball are sporadic and intense. Jogging doesn’t require quick bursts or aggressive moves; it is steady and consistent. It forces us to feel every muscle getting weaker and straining with a goal that seems unreachable.

Life is this way. It requires constant attention and focus and occasionally we think we might die with another step. Learning to push through and endure when the muscles start to give out is what growth is all about. Knowing when to slow the pace or open the stride requires experience in running. Experienced runners know their body and the limits to which they can push. They understand what pain to ignore and which demands attention.

Amazingly the military figured out elements long ago about the human body and the human mind that are universal for fitness. Start each day running. Run a little; run a lot. Run with goals that progress to higher standards to show measured improvement.

Few people are cut out to run grueling marathons and competitive distance races. There is a pace for everyone that suites their talents, needs, desires and circumstances. Too many of us are comfortable with our current routine, fixated only on the moment and not wanting to improve. Worse still are the ones who sat down and decided running wasn’t for them years ago. Amazingly they don’t believe in running or think it’s for others, more fit people perhaps.

 They would be surprised how easy it is to start though. And how much their efforts, not even success but effort, could inspire those around them. The simple act of beginning, taking small steps and slowly walking a little every day then running a little every day can be the difference. Running doesn’t have to be exhausting but it does require some discipline to start. Discover a new personal best.

Life is like running, we all start but not all keep going.

“Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us” Hebrews 12:1

Tribal effects

What is tribalism? According to Webster it means “Loyalty to a tribe or social group especially when combined with strong negative feelings for people outside the group. “

There has been much talk since the election about Americans descending into tribalism. In other words defending your candidate and their issues and eschewing anything opposite those issues. It is almost always used as a pejorative to describe vitriol and closed mindedness, it doesn’t have to be. Tribalism can be ugly and irrational but the instinctive nature to defend the group/family/team is necessary for unity and support.

It is like a two stage (in my mind) descriptor. A little is understandable; a lot is nasty.

Tribalism is a social ill when the moral good of your side overrules any condemnation and laws get broken and truths ignored.We overlook the steroid abuse from our best hitter because he makes our team better. Also we ignore the abuse because there is a larger issue at stake…winning dammit! It is easy to see in sports across the entire country; most of us have a favorite team to root for. Tribalism isn’t a life or death matter (usually) in fandom but its effects can be observed in a hostile stadium or when scrolling Facebook after a huge loss. Try wearing a 49’ers jersey into CenturyLink Field (home of the Seahawks) and not expect some harassment.

Politics is a more serious battleground even though we Americans tend to exaggerate the extent. Does anyone really think the opposition party in the US is the same as opposition in Turkey? Or that being a Muslim in Omaha is the same as being a Christian in Aleppo? Comparisons aside we should put our ‘tribal’ differences in context and work up from there, admitting that our milder version is still intense. Tribalism is an instinct more than a learned behavior; an attack on a family member is an attack on the family despite their differences. Your brother may be guilty of running the red light and crashing into the bus hauling senior citizens to church, but he is still family.  

Tribalism is the natural reaction of defense and counter attack against an assault. So when the angry bus driver limps from the dented wreck and curses your brother while threatening mayhem, tribalism kicks in. Rational thinking allows the passenger, you, to watch stoically from the passenger seat as the furious driver approaches your vehicle swinging a tire iron. You aren’t rational though. You defend instinctively but defense is not approval. He wouldn't get within 10 feet of  your sibling without some effort to stop him. Besides the limp is slowing him down and you’re pretty sure he walked that way before the crash.

When tribalism pushes beyond reasonable limits it gets dangerous and starts taking truth hostage. This is where sports fans and political novices experience denial and conspiracy. Fake moon landings, airport terminals to hell and Mayan doomsday predictions all live here.   

Tom Brady just won a record fifth super bowl at the age of 39. This year was particularly impressive because he was suspended at the beginning for deflating footballs the previous season below the required level of air. It is unlikely that a few games with some under inflated footballs made much difference to such a great quarterback. He did it though. He cheated. The infraction was probably like most infractions at such a high level of competition, looking for an advantage no matter how slight. I know New Englanders don’t think much of the charge. How about the rest of us?

Probably the best answer is that he cheated with the footballs last year but it had a marginal impact on the game. Patriots are a well-coached juggernaut of Super Bowl excellence and Brady is as efficient a superstar as exists. He wins with different receivers practically every year. He was punished by sitting out a few games this year and paying his due. Tribalism that goes too far insists the footballs were under inflated by the NFL to make the Pats look bad. And that neither the Patriots nor Tom Brady had anything to do with it. It was all an NFL conspiracy because the league hates New England. The last part may be true but the cheating IS consistent with this team. Sorry.

Similarly, when president Trump gets attacked by a writer or talking head from cable news I go into defense mode. Why is this? Is it because I truly believe Trump to be correct in every case? Not at all. Is the reporter being unfair or dishonest? Not always. I suppose I defend because leaders need support from a constant attacking horde. Also I voted for Trump. He is my guy. When the Democrats are in the White House the situation reverses and I can think of almost nothing admirable from that opposition party. They are simply advancing the football in the other direction. There are always a few times when I’ll agree with the Left or even grudgingly admit to a persuasive argument.

In sports and politics we support those on our side like family. As long as we stay honest about our biases and never excuse illegality tribalism will be an understandable instinct. When tribalism forces us to burn the store down so the cops won’t find the bodies,  we’ve crossed a line.

"Hallelujah" course

I first heard the song “Hallelujah” at a party. I don’t remember the occasion but seeing as it was college, alcohol was involved surely. It was a small gathering, friends of friends much more keen to music and artistic pursuits, I felt a little awkward. The cd (compact disc for you millennials) on repeat was Jeff Buckley’s Grace. His piercing vocals on “Hallelujah” were impossible to ignore and I relished hearing it over and over.

I found out later that the song was written by someone else. Covered by another someone else, who made it cool for other someones' to cover. This I had to research a bit. If not to find the true author of the song, at least to pull back the layers of this popular work and maybe discover some meaning. Not for the sake of the lyrics but to figure out how this became the “it” song.

 It was re-imagined in the early nineties by John Cale whose version is usually the one that everyone covers. It’s the most modern version, sad and bittersweet. Leonard Cohen wrote the song and put it on his album Various Positions in 1984. It must not have made much of a splash because no one seemed to notice it until Cale put a different spin on in the early nineties. He added a silky smooth piano sound and  upped the sentimentality.  Buckley’s version is closest to Cale in attitude and texture and a more obvious reference to a broken relationship.

Love is not a victory march, it’s a cold and it’s a broken Hallelujah

Buckley has the superior voice and his chords extend the song beyond the Cohen’s deep bass limits.

Somewhere along the way the song started popping up in television shows and movies. Mostly during sad moments deaths and funerals. I won’t spoil the episode but West Wing used it perfectly in a last-show-of-the-season gut punch. Shrek used the John Cale version and suddenly everyone wanted to use some version of “Hallelujah” or write their own.Talent contests like American Idol and Voice continue to see young vocalists performing some version.

 Leonard Cohen is used to praise about his poetic gifts but even he must be pinching himself over the extra life of this song. It was a forgotten B side on an unremarkable record before the explosion of remakes and covers.

 I watched a video recently of a live performance of the song that won’t quit. Cohen had a backup vocals singing along the gospel style to the chorus, the way Baptists do in church with ‘aleluuuuujahs’ heavy on the ‘uuu’. If this version with the choir is the way he recorded it I can see why it wasn’t a hit. It just doesn’t work as a church song despite the references to David playing for the Lord. Cohen’s scratchy voice is not melodic enough for the bouncy gospel track.

 It sounds like a worship leader in practice before his morning coffee.

I know I know, he wrote the song and he intended it to be a somber look at…something. I’ve never been good with meaning in poems or music lyrics. Every version of the song begins with King David, his gift for song and his affair.

You saw her bathing on the roof. Her beauty in the Moonlight overthrew ya

 Or maybe Samson with Delilah.

She tied you to your kitchen chair, she broke your crown she cut your hair

Some critics think some of the versions (especially Buckley’s) have a sexual quality, an exciting high followed by a deep low. Poisonous affairs might have been on Cohen’s mind when he wrote his version but likely he had a chord progression in mind and set it to themes borrowed heavily from the Old Testament.

…it goes like this, the fourth the fifth, the minor fall the major lift

The Cale version switches out some of Cohen’s lyrics and puts in references to a relationship gone south.

There was a time you let me know

 what’s really going on below.

But now you never show it to me do you?

I looked for an interview with Mr. Cohen just to get a sense of the writing and word choice. I found a few quotes about the differences between the religious Hallelujah and the secular one but no real descriptions. Nothing jumps out except that it took him a long time to write it, 5 years according to one source.

Poetic verse continues to escape me.

So the short version goes like this: Leonard Cohen writes and records the infamous composition in 1984 but with little fanfare. John Cale re-imagines it by changing the lyrics slightly but keeping the ever important climbing, climbing, and falling chord pattern. Every two bit singer songwriter up and coming vocalist covers some form because it is quite a beautiful song, in sound and emotion more than in meaning.

If I could go back to that party where I first heard the recording from Buckley I would beg them to stop playing it. All great works of art get copied, music is no different. I love the song but I’ve heard my share. When the covers stop and recordings of that infamous song stop getting made, I’ll simply say “Hallelujah”!

Buckley Version

  

Hillbilly Elegy: A Review

J.D. Vance is no stranger to writing. As a regular contributor to the National Review he covers political and legal issues all the time. Personal stories are a tougher task though. For someone to explore their own memories like a cave diver looking for treasure is too much in most cases. Especially with Vance who had a nearly impossible childhood to escape from. By escape I don’t mean run away with a bag and a greyhound ticket hoping to disappear for a few years. I mean to elevate above nasty situations, addictive behaviors, negative mindsets, and statistical disadvantages.

I won’t retell the story here because it isn’t mine to share and because the author does it so beautifully. I’m a sucker for a happy ending and although J.D. is younger than me (a few years) his short life to this point is already much improved. Writing a story about one’s past takes courage because lies won’t work. The passion has to be real and the punches must land.

 The result is a genuine American story from a writer who lets us look into his past and forces us to understand hillbilly culture through his experiences.

At the heart of this book is the story of a fighter who keeps getting up when life hits him again and again. There isn’t a bell and a belt at the end of it; it keeps going because life doesn’t care if you need to catch a breath. Sadly too many kids like J.D. live transient lives where mom’s boyfriends’ come and go and the fighting between drunken adults gets interrupted by police sirens and knocks at the door. Many have called 911 after a sibling overdosed on drugs or were left to find food when a parent disappeared for days.

This book has two parts. The first explains the authors’ hillbilly culture in America and the history of migration from the first Scots-Irish in Appalachia before the Civil War. It’s a very brief history though and serves as a marker more than anything, a place in time to hang this tale. The second is a where-do-we-go-from-here exploration of struggling families and some of the myths surrounding the ‘help’ that governments offer.

Many of the programs offered to rural folks, like food stamps, keep shady characters from finding work. Hillbillies have clever ways of getting around work and responsibility. Most of us know that government programs like food stamps and housing credits contribute more to keeping struggling folks in poverty than helping to escape, maybe not everyone does know.

Still, this author doesn’t have an ax to grind toward family or government. If anything this story is refreshing for its honesty toward difficult circumstances and encouraging for its optimism. Despite the trials and harsh conditions shinning lights emerge from the clouds of his life, if only briefly. One doesn’t sense any animus from the author, only gratitude. Gratitude for his grandmother and older sister who protect him from an abusive and out of control mother struggling to beat addiction. His shotgun carrying foul-mouthed “Mamaw” is one such light he is eternally grateful for. Her influence takes on an outsized role in his life, something he freely admits now.  

The most important part of the story is the contrast between attitudes of working poor and attitudes of wealthy about money. This isn’t a financial self-help or a Dave Ramsey type strategy for getting out of debt. It is a guidebook of poverty. Poverty is the difference. Poverty drives the story like a rented sedan careening recklessly down the road without a care and without a map. Poverty explains why many addictive behaviors and poor relationships affect generations trying to escape it. Poverty makes us think and act differently than middle class people.

I don’t think J.D. uses the term poverty but it fits like a worn out t-shirt. He gives it away when talking about his girlfriend’s family and the outlook they have on life. He is surprised to find out they don’t throw dishes and cuss at each other when upset. They plan for expenses and education by saving and working toward goals. His Marine drill instructors make sure he gets a decent loan at the bank for a car and make sure he pays his bills.  

His thinking changes and the book feels like an attempt to let everyone know that they can too. Don’t let the title fool you. It is only sad when realizing the plight of hillbillies across America is a recurring problem. No easy fix exists and only God can save a damaged soul, not to mention a damaged community. I was happy to see the author’s renewed interest in Christianity after leaving the confused hackneyed version of his youth. He explains in detail in the book. I won’t spoil too many anecdotes but this one is worth a read. At just over 200 pages it is a breeze.

Research Papers: now and then

Remember doing research papers for History or term papers for English in high school? The library trips to find book sources and academic articles. The late nights and early mornings finishing up tiny edits and awkward phrasing. OK so the work was awful and full of plagiarized content, the quotes didn’t fit the main point and you created sources out of thin air. good times…

Most of those papers needed a minimum of quotes per page or some other similar requirement--bad idea for kids who only do the minimum.

The problem this creates goes something like this: toss together a collage of words, shoehorn a quote from Abe Lincoln somewhere in the middle and presto! Clean up the bibliography page but don’t worry too much about the format, like the teacher is actually going to check the sources. Turn in the painstakingly edited final draft (don’t laugh).

I don’t have a much better idea for research, but how about this? Give them something random to read and force them to take notes for doing an essay later. Ensure that they can’t find a Sparknotes copy by selecting a narrowly focused topic. Something like ‘crop rotation techniques of Filipino farmers’ or ‘federal regulations of home water softeners’.

This is something colleges get that high schools don’t. Want to really find out if kids can  summarize an idea? Make them write about it.

ACT, SAT and most standardized tests have some form of read and quiz portion because it goes straight to retention. Term papers are more about formatting and researching. Go ahead and argue for space time travel as a legitimate source of federal funding, we really only care that you know how to look up the details and notate them.

I wonder how important it will be in 10 years, researching in the way people do now. In a my lifetime, which isn’t that long, library research for students has come from physical card catalogs to internal databases to external databases like Wilson select plus and LexisNexis. Google has a massive academic search engine for scholarly articles eliminating (almost) the need for separate systems.

The library in just a few short years has become a museum for how we used to do research--also a place for homeless patrons to wash up and change clothes. So you know…not for nothing.

I am little sad about the loss. Insight gained through trial and error shouldn’t disappear so quickly. It took years to get comfortable finding books, scanning chapters, making note cards, changing topics and starting over. It was meaningful work, not exactly digging wells in the Sahara but it set me apart. There aren’t too many ways to stand out in college and be recognized as being better than others at regular academic pursuits.

It wasn’t genius it was skill, the kind you earn.

I’m an optimist on education and the democratizing it has undergone. The internet has leveled the field by removing a lot of the barriers to education, money, time and licensing requirements. I really mean education as the ‘practice of learning stuff’ and not the institutions we spent years in as kids. Even with the massive academic data available at a click, compiling an original paper is fundamentally the same.

So what does the term paper for high school kids look like in 30 years? Since research has changed so much I can’t see teachers asking for a bibliography page with multiple book sources. They should probably need to insert quotes correctly and know how to hyperlink, but the essence of research is in finding the thing, searching for the holy grail of supporting material. I suppose this is still feasible in the same way. The time it takes to put together a good essay with a coherent point is probably about the same as always.

As long as it takes the teacher to remind you that it’s due tomorrow.

Solomon's Temple: what might have been

I tried to imagine a scenario where King Solomon would conclude “The end of thing is better than its beginning…”. he said that in Ecclesiastes 7:8. He does that a lot in Proverbs too, he leaves us wondering, what made him say that?

 I can’t prove it but I’ll bet he was remembering projects that start with such hope and promise and flitter away. He built the famous temple in Jerusalem after all, the one that the Babylonians destroyed about 400 years later. He was a builder. A builder understands the deadline changes and bureaucratic messiness of seeing a project all the way through.  But bureaucracy, like flesh eating bacteria has evolved.

Imagine the wise king navigating through modern bureaucratic hurdles before actually designing. A council of elders would insist union contractors laid the stones and that all  masons be certified, same with the iron workers. Anyone with a skilled craft (carvers, chiselers) might hold up work and demand higher wages. Where would he find another stone engraver? Investors might pull out of the project if the Environmental Impact Reports (EIR) weren’t complete or up to date.

Imagine if an endangered beetle were spotted during the digging phase and work needed to stop, proper areas roped off undisturbed. The project grinding to a halt until an expert from the wildlife preservation fund (WPF) could write a report, verify migration patterns and sign off.

How might he react if the law firm representing displaced Canaanites had threatened to sue him? Not to win money for the tribe but to share in all revenue traders would make from traveling pilgrims. The temple might have cut Baal worshipers off from a convenient place to sacrifice infants. Other groups (Philistines, Edomites) might join the lawsuit in an ‘undue hardship for religious accommodation’ brief.

Could he have gotten the permits to build from the local authorities without hiring one of their relatives to "supervise" the project? 

He would certainly have wished for the ‘end of the thing.’

With a project of such scale and time, a large number of mathematicians would be needed. Could they get the proper work visas?

What about insurance? Laborers would have needed it from falling stones not laid securely in the wall or a plank of cedar threatening to crush an unsuspecting victim. Permits would not be issued until everyone associated with the temple was licensed. 

I am sure he’d of prayed “Dear Lord bring the end of this thing!” every night before slept exhausted, head pounding.

If the gold melted and laid down over the floor didn’t meet specifications what could Solomon have done? If the Bureau of Precious Metals (BPM) found the gold to be of a lower quality they would have shut down work until a replacement could be found, same for the wood. Cedar and Cyprus were both used for different parts of the structure. A non-fire retardant plank could have finished off the project until the carpenters could find an approved glaze for the wood.

A project this big and expensive would need security to keep raiders out. The guards better meet National Council on Security and Protection Professionals (NCSPP) regulations. If they don’t, well you know…

I started to realize that this morass of official channels and red tape was a real thing about the time One World Trade Center in New York opened its doors. The project was approved in the spring of 2006; they opened to the public in 2014. No modern building takes that long to assemble. My guess is rent-seeking groups hobbled the effort and slowed down a straightforward A to B job with roadblocks. Solomon was fortunate here. 

The end of a thing is better than the beginning, Indeed.

David Childs (his firm designed the Burj Khalifa) is the architect who designed the angular structure for the changing New York skyline. I hope he learned how to navigate the jumble of regulations and unnecessary delays.

Wonder if he reads Ecclesiastes?