Restoration of the Mind

 

So I finished my kitchen on Sunday. I had a goal to repaint the cabinets in an off white color for a different look. Not only was the color uneven before but it should have been done years ago. That’s on me. I’m not the most eager home improvement type. Some of my friends spend every other weekend doing some home project. Their houses look amazing because of it too. But for me I like to read and write . . .  everything else is a distraction from that.

Despite my lack of energy on the whole effort I didn’t take any shortcuts. I took everything out of the drawers, cleaned the shelves, taped the corners and put on 3 coats of paint. My mom helped me for a few hours saving me serious time. I found some inexpensive paint at the re-store (a habitat for humanity center) and covered the wood with it. Years ago my plan was to sand off the old mocha paint that covered the cabinets. My brother started on this when he lived here. It was clear this was going to be more work than I wanted to put in, him too. He sanded off the top coat of paint to reveal a kind of shabby chic, rustic look. It was purely accidental but I kind of liked it.

Also I was lazy and decided to leave it alone.

The new off white is better if only because it’s a fresh coat of paint. Nothing is easier to accomplish and brighten up a home’s interior than new colors. I wonder how much of that is purely mental. Does the new color and clean look actually look better, or am just responding to the feeling of accomplishment? The answer doesn’t actually matter. It works every time I try it.

Why bother to mention such an easy renovation, a weekend job that a lot of people can do in half the time? Because success builds on success and even little projects you didn’t want to do will teach you how to increase in complexity for projects. I didn’t just need to paint and remove hinges from the old cabinets; I had to put them back the correct way and make sure they fit. This sound easy but it’s tough to make them fit again. I had the cabinets doors switched around the first time. Technically they should fit either side but they don’t. Each door only fit right in the exact spot I removed it from.

The cabinet doors didn’t line up great before my little fix anyway. My house was built in the early 1940’s so a lot of the structure is worn and a little crooked. A settled house means doors never hang right. I assumed I’d screw the hinges back in, line up the clasp to the lock and attach the hinges to the spine. It’s never quite as easy as you imagine it. But then that’s restoration. The increasing complexity is in lining up the hinges after you’ve taken them down. You can’t just use the old holes if the hinges on the door aren’t lined up exactly right, and mine weren’t.

 The problem solving comes from figuring out which door fits where.

I got to a stopping point and finished for the night. A stopping point for me is when I’ve made improvements beyond what a non-carpenter will put up with, but not tried for perfection. It’s better than “That’ll do” not as good as “Wow, that’s amazing!”

It sounds funny to mention problem solving in such a straightforward paint project. For a lot of guys this is stuff they can do half drunk while watching a football game. But home repair stuff is on my ‘hate to do list’ if such a thing exists. For other guys it’s events like funerals or birthday parties. Some guys don’t like to do anything creative on their own. They’re social animals and cloistering in some library to study local history or scanning databases for academic research is anathema.

 Problem solving home repair is my kryptonite, or at least it used to be.

I’m a big believer in positive confession. Everyone should speak positive confession over their mind and body on a daily basis. It’s crucial when we have obvious setbacks or are prone to laziness. I’ve addressed the issue of problem solving in my prayer time. I see myself as a new creature in Christ with new habits and new mindsets.

I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. Galatians 2:20 NIV

This is my daily verse and I’m starting to believe it.

Consistency over Competition

 

Have I said everything I can say about running? 

Not a chance. 

In the early days of my blog I focused on things like health and fitness, injury and advancement. I’d list the distances and the increasing running load. I’d mention breathing, water and how the cold affects the lungs in January versus October. The weather is always a concern, it determines so much about the run. But jogging year round makes one flexible to extremes.

I’m at a point where I run less throughout the week but with more consistency.

 Here’s what I mean. When training for a race I stay on a schedule. That schedule usually demands 3 to 4 days a week with increasing difficulty. I run hills for a day and then flat ground, up the distance and the pace after a month. I only ever did a couple of half marathons so my training load wasn’t crazy. But sticking to a schedule is important to build muscle and endurance for race day.

But I never wanted to race and quit. It’s more important to develop a regular pattern for staying in shape. I choose running first but not only. I use the stationary bike and the stair climber at the gym. It breaks up the boredom of jogging at the same pace and exercises different muscle groups. Besides, I’m not as competitive as many of my friends.

 I like to compete with myself and show improvement over time, but it’s less important that getting up every day and putting in work. I don’t want to lose my drive to stay fit. It’s too easy. Life can get busy and unless it’s a priority it quickly goes away. We often put too much emphasis on the competitive nature of whatever we are doing. Who is the best? What’s my time? How’s my average?

These might keep you going for a while but quickly fade in importance. Only the most competitive stay at the top and push themselves past age and injury. For most of us consistency is a more achievable goal. That’s where I’m at right now. And No, this isn’t an excuse to explain why I haven’t done races for 2 years. But there is a nagging assumption (in my head) that not increasing is actually decreasing.

Let me explain. In business if you don’t grow you die. No company that expects to grow can say “No more accounts please we’ve got enough”. You don’t turn away business. You add staff, buy more machines, invest in better software and streamline where possible. It’s the nature of capitalism, grow or die. It’s a model of success that rings true. It’s mostly true with the physical body, we build on previous strengths.

But the body breaks down over time. Why can’t I run as fast as I did in when I was in the Army? If anything I’ve improved my average distance by orders of magnitude. But 22 isn’t 42, as if we needed a reminder. My goals have to be different now. Our bodies don’t respond the way a company does. Decay is built in at the foundation and although we improve we’re not able to break out of the code.

I hope that’s not too much of a downer. Consistency creates a hardness that overcomes the superficial nagging elements at work in our bodies. I get up early and early and run because. . .I get up early and run. I don’t think about it too much. The decision is already made. It’s raining? Hit the gym. I’m sick? Do it tomorrow. I don’t feel like it. Then go half distance.

My first goal is to keep going. Everything else flows from there.

 

 

 

Val Kilmer is Not Acting

 

Val Kilmer’s new movie Val looks back over his life and career with appropriate nostalgia and a shade of gratitude from an actor who never needed it.

 He looks terrible. That’s the first thing you notice. He’s 61 but is reeling from the cancer treatment he underwent just recently. The surgery put an end to his Mark Twain dinner performances and left him without the ability to use his voice. He does manage to talk through a hole in his larynx, but his son narrates much of the film.

Val takes a day in the life approach but the home video stuff shoulders most of the load.

 Kilmer’s story is shown chronologically but overlain with recent developments in his life. His mother died at some point during the filming, or just before it. There have been a slew of these documentaries about a particular actor’s life that are no better than long winded reminiscences (see Kid 90). I’m not picking on them. I enjoy a trip down memory lane as much as anyone. But they often lack a theme, choosing instead to have actors talk about the good ol’ days.

If you aren’t careful you lose the message in a flurry of old VHS recordings no one cares about.

 If there is a theme in Val it’s how fortunate a life he’s had.

 It’s a long movie, but I wasn’t bored or frustrated with all the ‘look at me’ getting famous stuff. He’s an artistic sort of guy that comes alive whenever a video camera is around. Some souls just need to perform; that characterization fits Val like the eclectic Jim Morrison role he inhibited in the Doors. I don’t know anyone who loved the movie, but no one would argue how brilliant he was. Whenever I hear “Break on Through” I picture Val Kilmer’s Morrison leaning drunkenly on the mic stand in a dark night club.

There is a little inside baseball stuff on the Doors but not too much.

I don’t usually like to see behind the curtain of movie making. It rarely improves my opinion of actors. One example is the mess that was The Island of Dr. Moreau. Marlon Brando in particular comes off spoiled, lazy and so overweight that the studio just replaced him another fat guy and took away his lines. Kilmer can’t stop talking about how much of genius Brando despite his obvious indifference to the film, and life itself it seems. Val sounds a bit whiny in some of the off screen stuff as well, earning him the “difficult” moniker.

Supposedly he was difficult in Top Gun as well, his first real break.

Mostly he says he played up the rivalry with Tom Cruise the same way their characters battled in the movie. Whether that’s how Tom remembers it is anyone’s guess. As a kid I like the Iceman character “It’s how he flies, ice cold, no mistakes” and scene stealing arrogance Lt. Tom Kanzansky (Kilmer) radiates.

His best films are the ones where he gets to reimagine a character, or just add a little extra uniqueness. He’s a loyal friend and hopeless gambler clinging to life in Tombstone. He’s a master thief in the Saint, a decent movie that shows his range.

I thought he was wasted in Heat. Part of the appeal of the movie is the big names: Robert DeNiro, Al Pacino, Jon Voight. Val Kilmer plays a bag man with too little screen time to stretch the limited role. I like the characters he created in Spartan and the Salton Sea, determined and just a little nuts.

There is a telling scene in Val when Kilmer is at an event in Tombstone, AZ signing autographs for fans. At night the crowd gathered for an outdoor showing of the film that made him famous for playing Doc Holiday. After the hoopla, and pictures with the faithful he makes his way back to his cabin in a slightly wistful mood. He’d rather not be doing this sort of thing but recognizes how grateful he is to have had the career he’s had. If not for the original roles and popularity it all goes away. He might even think it a little pathetic but knows not to complain.

A younger, cockier Val Kilmer wouldn’t show gratitude like this. That comes with age and wisdom. So many things need to go right to make it big in Hollywood. The world is full of great actors and actresses that will never sniff fame. Watch his performance on Inside the Actors Studio. He’s at the top of his game, arrogant and playful--soaking in the awe from the crowd. That’s a guy who directors bring movies to.

He was picky about roles early in his career despite making some mistakes along the way. He doesn’t pretend that Batman Forever was a great movie, “Count how many times I put my hands on my hips”. Clearly he didn’t think it had much to do with acting; as a Julliard trained theatre prodigy he ought to know. Still, a lot of guys would love to be working on such a big picture. I think that reality has set in finally.

There is an aspect of religious expression he embraces now. I hesitate to say dogmatic adherence to a set of principles, he’s way too artistic for that. His parents were members of a Christian Science church, the spirituality of which found its way into his paintings (yes he paints too). A lot of it has to do with his cancer and treatment. Disease levels all of us and we feel something we might have never felt otherwise, vulnerable. I don’t know his level of faith in God or even what Christian Science teaches, but I hope he finds Christ in all of it.   

I hope he gets back to acting on some level. I’ll always be a fan. I thoroughly enjoyed this movie.

 

Mark 16: Commentary

 

Mark 16

The last chapter in the book ends with hope and mission for believers.

 Mary Magdalene and Mary the mother of James go to the tomb to put spices on Jesus’ body. They arrive and notice a man with a robe sitting there. “Do not be alarmed. You seek Jesus of Nazareth, who was crucified. He is risen! He is not here. See the place where they laid him. But go tell His disciples—and Peter—that He is going before you into Galilee; there you will see Him, as He said to you.” (6-7)

 Is the man in a white robe an angel send from heaven to deliver the good news? Probably. That’s hardly the most important part of the story though. Jesus is alive and well! He conquered the grave and took the sting of death away for all time. It’s impossible to overstate the significance of that day.

He appeared first to Mary Magdalene and when she told the others they didn’t believe. I don’t think I would either. They had just witnessed a gruesome spectacle when Jesus was beaten and hung on the cross. They probably didn’t want to think about it anymore. But they had seen signs and wonders all while following Him, why did they have such trouble believing? Most of us are this way. We always fall back to natural thinking (doubt) without faith.

We have an assignment called the Great Commission, Jesus gives believers a job to do. “Go into all the world and preach the gospel to every creature.” (15) It’s the last instruction that Jesus gives us. He lets us know what’s really important and tells us what to expect. “And these signs will follow those who believe: In My name they will cast out demons; they will speak with new tongues; they will take up serpents and if they drink anything deadly; it will by no means hurt them; they will lay hands on the sick, and they will recover.”(17-18)

There is so much in there to tackle I’m not sure where to start. First, this is a clear explanation of why the gifts of the Spirit are operational today and that tongues are a large part of it. Large parts of the Church don’t believe in it today. But I think that’s because it’s easier not to. Speaking in an unknown tongue is a little weird for sure, but it’s supported in scripture and expected of us. We miss out when we don’t take full advantage of the gifts God gives us.

Second, this is a list of miraculous signs that are to follow ‘those who believe”. We don’t see it much today, as a result we don’t believe it. The reverse is also true. When we see miracles and wonders frequently we don’t have as much trouble believing them. This is along the lines of what Bill Johnson (Bethel) meant when he talked about miracles creating a record. The record multiplies and reaches far and wide.

Somehow we’ve convinced ourselves that science and religion don’t mix and never should. But the model for the future will be rooted in miracles, not only healing but also in lives turned from darkness to light. The old order that rejects God is passing away and it’s time for true believers to stand up and move with God. We’ve been too careful and cautious with those outside the faith.

What started out as a good faith effort to bring in the lost, has softened the gospel into mushy life coaching. We’ve ground down the sharp edges to make the savior more appealing. But it won’t hold up in a world that’s overrun with evil. Christ’s love is deeper than we can imagine. What better way to show that than through His death. But the task is up to Christians now to finish what He started. What better way to show that than through His resurrection.

We’re going to see a return to an authentic and useful faith in the near future. The Great Commission represents the way forward to a church that’s finding its way back to the Jesus path.

 

 

 

Long Gone Summer: Afghanistan and the Fall

School started this week for kids in my area.

No matter how long I’ve been out of high school I still relish thoughts of summers gone by. It’s not just the vacations and lack of school, it’s the easy pace and freedom and long days spent outdoors.

 The season is as short as I remember it even though I’m not in school anymore. It’s odd that even now my giddy, carefree feeling in June is replaced by morose resignation in mid-August.

I think America is going through such a time. Our summer of fun and freedom is giving way to serious reflection--maybe it's just me.

Since the end of World War II the liberal order has been governed by the allies that remade it in their image. It’s mostly been a positive for economics, trade, international law and scientific development. With peace comes prosperity; the world leaders recognized this and set up institutions (like coal unions in Germany and France) to alleviate some of the conflicts that led to wars.

 World War II (and even World War I) destroyed Europe so completely that no one wanted a whiff of conflict after that.

This was the founding theory of international cooperation for what it’s worth. The modern European Union, the Marshall Plan, NATO and countless trade deals are examples of this.

 Less than a week ago the US military beat a hasty retreat out of Afghanistan. What’s frustrating is how ill prepared the whole operation was. I know that Trump was going to do the same thing eventually. He left our allies, the Kurds, in Syria to fend for themselves after ISIS had been routed. I can’t imagine him leaving so many Americans stranded though, or handing over our weapons to the Taliban.

I watched Laura Logan on Tucker’s plaid shirt show. She’s convinced the US didn’t want to mess up our influence in Pakistan. So we let Afghanistan die on the vine by not grabbing Pakistan by the throat. Their intelligence (ISI) funds the Taliban after all. We could have at least made threats to bomb them if they kill civilians. Or cut off their funding. These groups are nothing without access to money.

 As awful as it looks in Kabul it’s the purposeful choice we made to leave in such a reckless manner.

I’m of two minds on the whole thing. We were never going to improve conditions in that country long term. Whether because of our lack of will (as Logan seems to think) or lack of their will (the Afghani’s indifference) it wasn’t going to happen. Twenty years of supporting them was like trying to get water from a rock.

But it’s always been a thornier problem then Logan makes it sound.

It isn’t as complicated as the think tanks in Washington would have you believe either.

 They need to justify their existence by writing lengthy papers and giving talks at Universities. I don’t begrudge them their opinions on what, where, when and how’s of war planning. But it’s amazing how quick problems get solved when the US really wants to. We stopped wanting to in Afghanistan. There was nothing more to gain or hope for. The best we could do was hold off the attacks as long as possible.

But even by putting pressure on Pakistan and their intelligence services, how long could this really go on? I do wonder when we finally concluded this whole charade was going to collapse. I guess the Pentagon figured messing up our relationships in Pakistan wasn’t worth it. But everything is about will and we just lost ours.

You think you know what happening in the world and it changes all at once. But did it really change or was everything we ‘knew’ about that country a lie? I’m guessing most of what we think we know about the world is a lie. The position of the United States and our currency and our influence is about to change. China is on the rise and although I doubt they can manage global affairs they’re certainly going to try.

Communist leaders are already looking to get into Afghanistan for mining purposes. They won’t fuss about women in school either. The Chinese are cold realists and they don’t care what international institutions think of them either. The Bretton Woods vision where the US and its allies get to set the rules for the liberal order is dead. It died because it got lazy. It became obsessed with climate change and multicultural nonsense. It thought it a good idea to import the world’s Muslim population to historically Christian cultures.

We turned our attention to critical race theory for toddlers and 'health care' for preteens who want to transition.

Maybe our summer lasted a little too long. We forgot that real threats like communism and authoritarianism presented a real problem to our way of life.

In America we stopped defending our own greatness; “American Exceptionalism” became a byword for racism and exploitation. No wonder we stopped paying attention in Afghanistan; how can anything done by the Americans be worthwhile?

Our giddy reckless feelings about the long summer are turning to regret for the good ol days. Our role now will be significantly reduced without a serious turn around. Whatever lies ahead for us this fall will be very different from the carefree summers of our youth.    

New Boss, Same as the Old Boss

 

The Taliban is on a path to recapture much of the country again. Which country you ask? The one we supposedly kicked them out of back in 2001, Afghanistan. I’ll try not to be too sarcastic about the whole war effort that over 2000 Americans have died in, but it’s been 20 years and it looks like nothing has changed. We’ve spent billions training up their security forces as well.

 I know, I know it’s crass to talk about money but 2 Trillion dollars is the estimate right now.

I’ll admit one thing right up front, I didn’t follow the news particular close after about 2010. Take my comments with an appropriate level of skepticism. There may be some great achievements in the country that I’ve overlooked. I know women were able to vote and go to school. That’s not nothing, but the reason we were there was to punish Al Qaeda and capture Bin Laden. I’m fine with the rebuilding efforts to prevent another Taliban-like group from coming in.

Sadly the next Taliban-like group was. . . the freaking Taliban!

With both the Iraq and Afghanistan our military made a generous attempt to remake the countries and shore up their democratic institutions. It seems like by nearly every measure it has been a failure, for Afghanistan at least. Supposedly Hamid Karzai, the first president since the war, was corrupt and incapable of managing the country. I don’t know anything about his successor Ashraf Ghani, who will probably be shot when the Taliban take Kabul.

 Every war effort is going to go bad at some point. It isn’t realistic to think every outreach, school and economic incentive is going pay off. How many federal programs in this country are overrun with grifters and thieves? Would a bent police captain in Kandahar be less of a fraudster? I’m not making a relativist point here, in a lot of the world bribery and graft are just how business gets done.

I never expected a smooth process but I did think (honestly I did) that the Afghanis would be better off long term--after we left. It’s easy to be cynical about the war. Americans were bombarded with comparisons to Vietnam and the “quagmire” since the first insurgent blew up a convoy in Helmand province.

It was never a fair comparison. But it stuck, in part because Americans who remember it know how the public eventually turned on the war. During the first Gulf War, George Bush Sr. sent troops into Iraq to prevent Saddam Hussein from capturing oil fields in Kuwait. The battle was swift and Saddam’s Republican Guard collapsed within weeks. But we stopped after that. We didn’t go after Saddam. He continued to be a pest at the UN. He kicked out inspectors. He put down a rebellion in the North by the Kurds. We put in place a no fly zone to keep him from moving north. But we didn’t kill or capture him.

Was it the smart play at the time to leave him in power? Who knows. What kind of chaos might have ensued in the region had if we tried to kill him then? In war you’re always deciding between two bad choices. I’ll give the war planners a break. It’s easy to talk about how we shouldn’t be trying to rebuild countries with democracy and strong law enforcement. Just as a control group I’ll suggest Syria. Yes I know we’ve been at least partly helping anti-regime groups in Syria but it’s far from a full war. Russia’s been there too, helping Assad.

That country is a disaster with hardly any help from the West. Remember Obama’s “Red Line” comment to Assad in 2012 about using chemical weapons? Assad used them, we didn’t stop him. I don’t know if we should have or not. I think we make trade-offs when we go to war. We have one goal in mind and a few secondary ones.

Sometimes the first one is a failure, for a lot of reasons.

The worst part for the United States is our legacy of offering help and then leaving is firmly set. It’s unfair I know. I’ve worked with people who never take chances or step outside their comfort zone to help others. Those who do and fail get heaps of criticism.

What’s to be done? Our soldiers and marines took a lot the territory that’s now being handed back to same thugs that killed our men before. It’s maddening. But does anyone think another 5 years would matter to the readiness of the Afghan security forces? At some point they’ll have to manage their own country. Sadly I don’t think Americans care much anymore. That’s not a slight against them either.

I’m concerned that the lasting image of the war in Afghanistan will be another helicopter—hovering over the American embassy with the last marine climbing up the rope.

Bluetooth blues

 

I’ve been trying to get this speaker to connect to my phone through Bluetooth. It’s not working and I’m finally at the quitting stage. The speaker is a little Sony portable that boosts the sound of my regular phone speaker as much setting it in a coffee mug. The sound isn’t great but it's a little portable.

I don’t mean to sound unhappy with it, but I used to have a much nicer Harmon/Kardon that filled the room with sound. I kept it on my kitchen table for the best reach. My house is small (1000 square feet) so calling a table top speaker “room filling” isn’t probably the best description.

It’s an easy room to fill, unless you’re a Sony apparently. The Harmon/Kardon started dropping connections though. I thought it was a charging issue at first so I borrowed my brother’s cord to see if I could change my fortune. No such luck. There might be a way to fix it but I’ve already lost interest. I’ll just move on to something else as I don’t want to spend more time tinkering with the damn thing.

The Sony is a much bigger issue. Without sending a signal that my phone can pick up it’s table art. At least with the HK it started to lose connectivity. Fine. That happens. But with the Sony it’s never worked. Not with my new Iphone 11 at least. The first thing I did when the phone didn’t find the speaker through Bluetooth was reset both phone and speaker--nothing.

Then I deleted every other connection running off Bluetooth on the phone—nothing. I reset the internet connection to both devices and even did a hard restart of the modem—nothing. I’ve tried putting both of them right next to each other and using the “forget device” selection in settings. The only thing I haven’t done is delete the old connection from my old phone.

This is likely to work, but I can’t charge the old phone. It’s the whole reason I got a new one anyway. And by now I know what you’re thinking about my life. “How does he get up every day, put on a brave face and weather life’s unrelenting storms?” I often survive on only 7.5 hours of sleep but you won’t hear me complaining. That’s just not who I am.

This phone fiasco reminded me that I don’t have patience for tech stuff. Yes I know, I’m throwing a ridiculously wide net calling Bluetooth connectivity “tech stuff” but it needs a category so tech stuff it is. But it isn’t just that. This type of behavior is too much me. It fits the pattern of a lot of home problems that come up, uneven doors, clogged sinks, broken ice machines, dryers that don’t heat, washers that don’t wash.

 I see the issue but hope for the quick fix. When the quick fix doesn’t work I look for a way around it. If no way exists I try to live without it.

I’m not even a big music guy. I might not listen to any music for weeks at a time, an unheard of stretch for some of my friends. My workaround is the phone itself. I just sit it on the table and open the Amazon Music app. The sound isn’t great but it’s better than trying to fix the problem. Why?

Failure maybe? Laziness? I’d rather be doing almost anything else?

It’s not just laziness but avoidance. There’s a discomfort in trying to solve problems and it isn’t just because it means a delay in whatever I was about to do. It’s not a walking around in wet swim trunks discomfort. It’s closer to eating dinner at a 5 star restaurant in those same wet trunks and no shirt, while everyone else is wearing a tie. It’s a constant reminder that you really don’t belong here, doing this--it’s embarrassing.

 Problem solving is the way we prove to ourselves that we’re capable. This can’t be overstated. I do wonder if this is primarily an issue for men. Only in this way, I think men place greater importance on fixing and solving and putting order where none exists. Fair or not, it’s a trait tied to masculinity and leadership. Some guys are great at it. They can build a safe-room out back after fixing their boat motor and still have time to set up a home theatre system. 

They’re a success and I’m a failure. That’s what it feels like.  

It makes me feel better to assume this guy who can do it all likes to torture animals, or maybe steals money from the church offering plate. It's not much but it helps me process.

I’ve gotten better at this. My reactions to problems used to be visceral. I’m slightly more circumspect now. I don’t throw my hammer randomly at the garage wall or kick the work bench and crack the leg in turn. I start with deep breaths.

 I wrote an article a couple weeks ago that summed up my feelings on a successful website upload. You’ll understand my excitement better after reading this. And yes, there is joy in problem solving through perseverance.