'Trivial' Pursuits

 

I’ve been thinking about value lately. I tend to overlook things that I should value. It creates an endless cycle of striving instead of appreciation for where I’ve been.

I joined the Army when I was 19. The purpose was two-fold: pay for college the old fashioned way and grow up a little. Is that the old fashioned way? I don’t know. I didn’t want any student debt (which I did have later) and from a purely objective point of view it was a great deal.

 Tuition for classes and monthly installments for expenses, just give a few years to Uncle Sam. A quid pro quo that still makes sense.

I adapted slow but finished strong. My Gunnery Sergeant awarded me the ARCOM before I left. I was proud of that. I think there was a small squad ceremony but I don’t remember it. I wrapped the award in newspaper and tossed in a drawer after that. I didn’t value it the way I should have. The certificate claims “exemplary performance” and I treated it like a stack of coupons to Chuck E Cheese.

School was my next ‘trivial’ pursuit.

 Education was a tougher climb for me for the first year. Coming from a regimented schedule where housing and food is taken care of, I suddenly had to set it up myself at college. It wasn’t overwhelming but staying on top of classes, housing and food was more than I had to do before. I did make headway growing up, my stated goal from the Army days. The 24 year old me was more mature than the 19 year old me. Still a ways from adulthood, but I was ready for the rigors of a 4 year college at least.

 If the Army provided responsibility and accountability, education filled the gaps with knowledge and critical thinking. When it was time to graduate I did. But I didn’t walk in the ceremony. It seemed like a silly thing to do. I’d have to buy the cap and gown, shuffle back to the folding chairs with the rolled up certificate and wait for the speaker to blather on. I really didn’t care. The school mailed the certificate and I stuffed it inside some accordion folder next to my old tax receipts. I didn’t value it.

 It’s an odd thing to think that after at least a couple of difficult classes I thought the ceremony a frivolous expense. But I did.

I moved to Oklahoma in 2008 to get a Master’s in International Studies. This time I had a job so I attended school at nights or when I could sneak in an afternoon class. Classes went on for around 3 years before I graduated again. Another missed ceremony, this time the IS coordinator begged me to join my classmates on a Saturday to walk. She even agreed to pay for my cap and gown. I couldn’t be bothered. I was on to the next thing. What’s the use in the dog and pony show? I figured. It’s the degree and experience that counts.

Besides, I did value the learning. I’m not big on ceremony. The Army probably had something to do with this but it never occurred to me until later.

Ceremony isn’t the point though and maybe I’m finally seeing that. Graduations are like little reminders of how far you’ve come and how much you’ve grown. They aren’t about bragging rights or celebrations of impossible struggles. They establish a track of accomplishment. They remind us that momentary difficulties have an end. They mark time.

Ever seen the owner of the company with a dollar bill framed on the office wall? Everyone recognizes this as the first dollar he/she made in their new business. Sure it’s only a dollar, but it has an outsize level of value.

When I look at a textbook from school or look at an old picture, I’m reminded of some of the tough times that God brought me through. The details come rushing back but the emotions are different. I’m stronger on the other side because I had grace to keep going. When tokens of achievement aren’t enough, remember the promise from Philippians 1:6 “Being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ;”   

I guess I worried that if I became content with awards I’d stop trying to go forward and keep growing. It’s a ridiculous thought now. Those pursuits are neither trivial nor monumental, but we lose what we don’t value. The first step for me in this new value laden life is to start framing certificates and awards. I’ll start with the Army commendation medal (ARCOM).