Handguns and Slingshots

 

I finally got a gun.

 Every so often I’ll think about getting a handgun for home defense and target practice, even rush hour traffic. This year I said yes. Mostly I waver about spending the money and time required to hit the range and practice. Ammo isn’t exactly cheap and then there are the range fees. I don’t know how much range fees are but I’ll soon find out. This is a new world in a sense. Gun culture is very strong here in Oklahoma; most people I know own at least one gun. Some only have a hunting rifle but it’s still a proud family heirloom passed from father to son. Others are a little, lets say "enthusiastic" about collecting. I knew a few in the Army like this. It's also a culture thing to some degree. Those who live in the country and use rifles, shotguns and all types of handguns are just more comfortable around them.  

I joke about buying a gun because I’m sick and tired of slow drivers in the left lane. But there are some people I worry about with road rage and daily slights. Some take offense very easy and threaten violence with guns. There was a road rage incident about a year ago in town. I don’t know the details but traffic was the catalyst. One person lost their life because the other had a gun. I don’t imagine I’d get that upset but who knows?

If I had to trace my reluctance to buy one it might start there. Also, I wasn’t raised in a gun family. Both my parents were against having one in the house because of accidents. Accidental deaths attributed to firearms are probably everyone’s worse fear, but also not a common occurrence. Does it happen? Of course. Are the numbers as high as kids accidentally drowning in swimming pools? Not even close. A gun is a weapon and as such should be treated like one—especially with 5 brothers. We managed to knock out my brother’s top 2 teeth with a slingshot and a rock. My grandfather brought home these very genteel looking slingshots from Israel. You know, go to a foreign land and get the kiddos a souvenir. My grandfather is a wonderful man but didn’t raise boys. He probably thought we would put them in a box with a nice label on it, LOL. "From the Holy Land" Ah yes, what might have been.

 Naturally with the kind of authentic slingshot that David used to kill the Philistine there’s only one thing to do--recreate the event with leaving no small detail to chance. Anything else would be unacceptable, a dereliction of duty.

Phillip insisted on being David, the plucky hero. Justin had to be the giant Goliath, even back then there were jobs Americans didn’t want. He protested but someone had to do it. I was "directing" the play so that only left him. Besides we gave him a garbage can lid to use for a shield, what could go wrong? We had already practiced whipping rocks at an actual barn door and missed every time. Every heard the phrase "You couldn't hit the broad side of a barn?" Well we couldn't. Anyone could see the danger was just infinitesimal. I don’t know if you’ve ever tried to use the old school slingshot with the pouch and ropes? It’s tough to be accurate. But our Goliath had a shield, just like the real big guy from 1 Samuel. True to the story it took Phil one rock. Just like David he wound up and fired at the mouthy brat. I wondered years later if Phil just pretended to miss the barn all those times and secretly hustle Justin into accepting the role. He bided his time and released, carefully and with malice.

Justin for his part played it like a champ. He always was a good actor. He dropped to his knees screaming as blood spurted from his mouth. His little bloodied hand grasping a tooth, an unwelcome reminder of his 3rd child status. What a performance though, genius!

 It was then our recreation started to look like a bad idea. I rushed inside to get my mom and do something with this screaming kid. I can’t be sure of the exact moment when both parents thought having a gun in the house was a bad idea. That one probably ranks high though.

I like to think I’m a little safer now. Armed, but not dangerous.