Renewing the Mind

I read this article on Michael Phelps today where he opened up about his depression. The article pulled a quote from an interview where he said “I am extremely thankful that I did not take my life”. I know these athlete profiles are generous and promotional but if you dig deeper into the answers he gave, a sense of profound sadness emerges. It’s important because it proves that people who are famous for greatness are often as sad and lonely as those who aren’t great. He is a phenomenal swimmer and holds nearly every record available in Olympic competition, but even he struggled with depression. The article doesn’t get into much beyond basic questions about his mental state in his competitive years but it’s helpful none the less.

I think depression is more common than a lot of people think. I don’t mean that everyone is in need of medication but a level of sadness runs through the current of everyday life in America. It’s difficult to generalize about the reasons, I imagine a good bit of it stems from an idea that we can have it all, wealth, happiness and love without hard work. We are conditioned to strive for excellence and self-fulfillment. We aren’t content to just enjoy and relax in casual happiness, time with family, a great meal, a sunny day.

Success should be a result of diligence and persistence. Instead it becomes the goal, the measure of who we are. The anxiety it creates is overwhelming and can lead to depression.  

 One culprit is the availability of options. “You can be anything you want and do anything in America” is a basically true axiom, but not everyone is suited for certain careers. Our physiological makeup and intelligence determine a big chunk.  Kids who struggle with math shouldn’t become engineers and quiet anti-social types shouldn’t go into sales. We do live in a very open society with never before choices available to us. A lot of the old barriers and exclusivity corners (Ivy league networks, racial restrictions) are crumbling. The ‘choice’ narrative is a powerful idea and often promotes options that aren’t really options at all. Most success is earned, a bedrock characteristic of achievers.

 Being great at anything requires a staggering amount of mental toughness and perseverance. Exceptions to the rule exist and get promoted ahead of conventional notions. The Kardashians and kids of famous musicians/actors are mostly just familiar because they are on TV, a lot. This image of popularity supports the underlying belief that anyone can do it. Nothing against overnight sensations but those are extreme cases and most people won’t find success that way.

Also, popularity isn’t success. Reality TV and YouTube have certainly boosted popularity of some deserving and not so deserving, stars. Young kids often want to be popular because it feels like a shortcut. Most people will figure out at some point that hard work and persistence are endemic to success. Hard work is hard. In a lot of cases, depression is an outgrowth of the phenomenon that says anyone can be popular. When reality hits and we realize popularity is rare, it plants a seed of doubt in everything we are. We start to disbelieve that we can offer anything substantive to those around us. We aim too high at first and instead of starting with excellence at a low level, say being a reliable employee, we disappoint ourselves.  

I don’t imagine that everyone wants to be an international pop star or a famous athlete, but we do want to matter. We want our own sense of significance and influence and getting there feels hopeless. The hopelessness surrounding big dreams leads to hopelessness in small endeavors. Suddenly we struggle to go to work and take care of our lives. The mood swings become frequent as we see, what we assume, are friends everywhere living the good life as we struggle to just pay bills. Without a dramatic re-think the sadness can become ugly and poisonous to those around us, the ones we love.

The only true re-think I’ve found is to study the Bible and discover what Christ says about us. The message of Christ is all about purpose and significance, selflessness demonstrated by a perfect man. Only by putting our ambition and happiness aside will we discover the importance of salvation for all. It turns our self-centered attitude into an others first attitude toward friends, family and strangers. The effort to transform thinking (renewing the mind) feels awkward since our previous journey has been singularly focused on self. It is rewarding though. The dark clouds of mental anxiety begin to lift when we spend time offering help to those in need. It can be as straightforward as helping a friend move or giving food to homeless men and women. 

Also, in pursuing friendships based on support instead of network we find meaning and hope. 

The best part is that by living a life for others we get the happiness and peace we so often strive for. By not striving we find joy. 

Do not be conformed to this age, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may discern what is the good, pleasing, and perfect will of God. Romans 12:2 (Holman)