A life cut short

Depression is a hell of a thing.

It isn’t a subject anyone likes to talk about or even think about but every once in a while someone we know (knew) does the unthinkable. I’ve known a few people who have taken their lives and although I don’t pretend to know the reasons or the situations surrounding the decision, it makes me heart-sick. The most recent example is of a kid who grew up across the street from me in my community college years. He was junior high aged (13-14) when I first met him and although we didn’t have a lot in common we played basketball together and talked about sports, girls and movies.

Our relationship was difficult to explain given our age differences. I did a post high school stint in community college that ultimately forced me to join the Army. I wasn’t ready for college. I had zero discipline for school work and the will to get better just wasn’t there. In the year and a half I lived with my dad right across the street from him. I could look out my window most days and find him shooting hoops in his driveway, committed to improving his game. He was a solid athlete. I like to think I showed him a few things on the court but really he was better than me at the same age. I was a decent competitor and allowed him to sharpen his quickness by playing someone bigger and stronger.

 I needed someone to look up to me as much as he needed a coach.

I joined the Army shortly after he started high school and at most would wave to him on a visit back home. I don’t remember talking to him much after I moved out. My dad eventually sold that house and moved north of there, different part of town. When I finally did get out I moved in with my dad at his new house while applying for school and working odd jobs. I never saw the kid with the quick dribble again but would occasionally bump into a classmate of his or someone else from the neighborhood. He seemed to be popular with the girls by all accounts. This never surprised me. He was a good looking kid and very athletic.

What emotions lead a person to do such a terrible thing and force the rest of us with an empty longing? I haven’t seen the kid in 20 years and I’m sadder than I imagined. Such promise, such a waste. How awful must those close to him be feeling? Obviously the happy kid with the big hoop dreams turned into someone darker than I ever knew somewhere in that 20 year time frame. It happens every day. People let their minds convince them of the futility of getting help or that hope is not a real thing, something for other more deserving people. I am not sure how depression works per se. Is all depression clinical or is it only clinical in suicidal people? Are suicidal people always losing a war on depression or do they have good weeks, days?

I recently heard suicide described as jumping out of a burning high rise building.  Hitting the ground, apparently, is much better than suffering the smoke and flames of the moment. Depressed people see suicide as an escape from the disease slowly eating their mind. Jumping from a high rise building may ensure a violent end but staying is torturous. This was the situation during the attack of 9/11 from the workers in the World Trade Center. Deciding to leave the flames and smoke certain to suffocate them, they leapt out the window and fell to their death. It is a grisly consideration but one that at least goes a little way toward describing suicidal tendencies.

As a Christian I am doubly saddened by any news that a person has lost an ongoing battle with the enemy. Evil is always looking for an entry point to deceive and betray. The entry point for too many of us is our thoughts. I don’t mean to insinuate depression is something that can be overcome through positive thinking only. In the same way that many of us struggle to lose weight or quit smoking, others battle horrible thoughts and torturous emotional darkness. Some aren’t prepared for the onslaught. Medicine can go a long way toward helping an individual cope and maintain normality. Only God can move the clouds away and cause light to drive away the darkness, and the pain that comes with losing a precious life.  

And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts in your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:7 (ESV)