Naval Blockade

What’s amazing about the case of Chief Petty Officer Gallagher is how much it resembles bureaucratic entitlement in Washington DC. Trump gives an order and everyone affected by it finds ways to obfuscate and ignore it. From the ambassador in Ukraine to the intelligence community, to the Justice Department and FBI and now the military, the administrators are in open rebellion. Whether they are right on the substance of the disagreement is beside the point.

Does the president set policy or doesn’t he?

If you’re a little unfamiliar with the story of the decorated SEAL Eddie Gallagher, here is the short version. The Navy held a court-martial hearing for the commander accused of killing an ISIS fighter that was wounded. The medic that accused Gallagher changed his story on the witness stand, saying instead he (the medic) actually killed the ISIS fighter. That’s a strange enough development, but Gallagher was convicted of posing with a dead terrorist like a kid at the zoo. That seems like writing a citation for jay-walking because you couldn’t prove he robbed the liquor store. It’s nothing, a joke. 

  

President Trump gave him a pardon. But it was only a pardon for the crime of posing with a dead ISIS fighter. But overriding the Secretary of the Navy (Richard Spencer) and letting Gallagher keep his trident, the president gave the brass a middle finger. Maybe they deserved it, or maybe Trump was flexing his muscle a bit and letting the Pentagon know that they work for him. If you go constantly usurp the leaders that work for you it will create a backlash at some point, even if the president is within his rights to do it.

The public rarely hears cases like this. Most military courts stay behind the scenes and out public view. That’s best for everyone. When civilians hear about some of the grizzlier crimes they get put off. They can’t imagine how anyone could be so ruthless and cruel. But war does this to people and I prefer not to hear about every killing. If we’re talking about a Mai Li type massacre where civilians are rounded up and shot or raped and mutilated then everyone should know.

But this stuff with Gallagher seems minor, and considering he was acquitted of the murder charge anyway it seems even less important. It became important when Trump ordered the Navy to give Gallagher back his trident and end the ongoing investigation.

After the disastrous trial the prosecution leaked video to the New York Times showing interviews with the men from Gallagher’s platoon. It’s such a smarmy DC thing to leak classified information. I wonder if Americans even realize it is a crime.

 In the interviews Gallagher is called “toxic” and “evil” by SEALs under his command. They accuse him of being willing to kill anything that moves. Some of their complaints are just about his nasty language, “burkas were flying” and so forth.

Maybe he was a ‘toxic’ leader and prone to bloodthirsty language. If you’ve been around soldiers or sailors this is basically on brand for all of us, we’ve got a dark sense of humor. One recurring theme from most veterans of war is the callousness toward death and destruction. Teddy Roosevelt even wrote to his friend (Henry Cabot Lodge) about his ride up San Juan hill in Cuba “I killed a Spaniard with my own hand—like a jackrabbit”. Clearly loving battle a friend who fought with him during his Rough Rider days described him as “reveling in victory and gore”. That fighting men might actually get charged up by battle shouldn’t be surprising.

So how much of this is language and how much is real psychotic behavior? 

One aspect of this whole thing does make me cringe a bit. Why did a significant chunk of the men under his authority so despise him? I doubt if this is normal in the SEALs. These men have to be close and trust each other in the most dangerous situations; their lives literally depend on it. They accuse him of murder though, not a minor thing. 

It feels to me like there is a lot more to this story so I’ll reserve judgement on Eddie Gallagher for now. Whether Trump should have inserted himself into an internal matter is beside the point. When military leaders don’t fall in line they can be removed for even trivial things. President Obama removed General McChrystal from Afghanistan after a story about him calling the vice president “Joe Bite-Me”. I don’t think Obama really wanted to do it, but he would've looked weak otherwise. Silly nicknames mean disloyalty and as soon as the public hears it the command structure falls apart.

So far this insubordination against President Trump includes ‘appointed’ officials at Justice, State, Defense, the FBI and multiple intelligence agencies. The key word there is appointed. We expect elected officials (Congress, Senate) to stop the president’s agenda, not bureaucrats.

When administrators start to run their departments like little fiefdoms the country is in trouble. A house cleaning is in order.

Christmas Day-Off

I’ve been furiously avoiding the writing assignment for today. 

Not because I don’t like the topic or because I didn’t do any research, but because I don’t have a topic. The day is mostly wasted due my dentist appointment early this morning where I promptly came right back here to read news and check email. Then I ambled over to the couch to read a little more of the novel I’m plugging away at. After an hour or so I decided to get some coffee at a Great coffee house called Double Shot where I read a few more chapters of the book, not because of some need to finish but because of sheer boredom and a lack of a better idea. My brother and his family are still in town because of Christmas so I popped in for while over at my mom’s where they are staying. Then back here to get a little dinner and read some news hoping for spark of imagination or interest. So far nothing, but I’m writing anyway.

I did another scripture commentary yesterday morning, Christmas day. I’m going through the book of Acts chapter by chapter and doing some reflecting on the reading. I said “commentary” but on second look, that sounds a little more intellectual than what I’m going for. I try to do a chapter from anywhere in the Bible once a week. I don’t put them on my website because the pieces are a little too sloppy for the blog. And this is with the full knowledge that blog pages have pretty low standards. 

But by writing them and dumping them into a file folder I don’t have to edit them for clarity or grammatical errors. I don’t have to check for historical accuracy either which is the big one with the Bible.

It’s much more important for the Old Testament because sorting out prophets and messages is tricky without looking them up. Mixing up the Zachariahs from the Zephaniahs might get me laughed out of polite society. Most books contain the same general premise, God’s people forget their covenant and need a prophet. As a story arc it’s all too common, rejection of the old law, problems with war or famine or disease, and finally repentance. But without the repetition and enduring love we wouldn’t get the New Testament, or the Savior, or the accessibility to God and eternal hope through salvation.

   

 For now my reflections are just personal letters. That may change in the future. I need more material and the Bible is an endless supply to me.

What’s strange for me is that work begets work. I’m more efficient when my schedule is full. When I’ve got a whole day with nothing to do, I do nothing. Something tells me this is normal for a lot of us. We complain that we just don’t have time to for home projects and learning. But with a whole day and nothing planned we flip through mystery books and sip coffee. After that we saunter to the kitchen (or waddle) and paw through the fridge looking for peanut butter cups and egg nog. Is it just me? I doubt it. With a full work schedule though I seem to squeeze a lot in, I need structure and deadlines. Or maybe I just shouldn’t feel bad about spending a day relaxing, snacking, napping and reading.

Living With Yourself: Review

I finally finished Paul Rudd’s Living With Yourself on Netflix. It’s only 10 or so episodes that I started right when it came out, I’m not much of a binge watcher though. I got hung up a month or so ago and sort of forgot about it. The Crown came out for season 3 so my TV priorities shifted. Since I'm caught up on the House of Windsor it's back to business. 

Living With Yourself makes assumptions about humans that ring true, we want shortcuts to happiness and our humanity is tied to our unique experiences, good and bad. 

Here is the story in a nutshell. It’s a spoiler alert because I can’t explain the show without giving some of it away. Stop reading here if you plan to watch it. Miles is an ad executive who is in a creative rut. His relationship with his wife Kate (Aisling Bea) is shaky at best; they’re trying to get pregnant but Miles can’t be bothered to show up at the fertility clinic. He is selfish and bored with life until a coworker recommends a spa treatment to revitalize his situation. The spa turns out to be a cloning racket where the ‘scientists’ create the improved clone with less fat and better habits. The host is killed, or supposed to be. It doesn’t take with Miles because of a screw up. He wakes up in a plastic sack buried under ground and scrambles to tear out.

That opening sets the tone for the eerie story that follows. Some of the scene music is creepy and foreboding with some lighter moments sprinkled here and there. It feels a bit horror movie-ish at times. Not because of violence but because of the unknown quality. Having a clone around and trying to keep it a secret presents some frightening scenarios.   

The rest of the series tries to answer the question of ‘how will this arrangement work?’ Can the two men coexist? Will clone Miles murder Miles? Will Miles murder his clone? Will the clone ruin everything by not playing his part?

 Another trick the writers have introduced is to show the same scene from both Miles point of view and the clone’s.  This prevents us from favoring one over the other and works to show distinctions when they’re important. This isn’t an evil twin story despite their predicament. We see one side and then the other.

Are the writers telling us that we behave differently when motivations are different? I don’t want to give too much away, but their approaches to life, as well as attitudes toward Kate are rooted in their histories. The Miles clone has the same memories as Miles but only as images or files that were transferred from another source. Miles carries the pain and emotional attachment to his wife the human way, through his experience. Their connection is physical and emotional and not easily replaced despite their current marital problems.

Miles is not a great guy. He is selfish, he lies to his wife and coworkers and scams local farmers. He is mopey and miserable at home and despite his wife’s request that he go to the fertility clinic, he ignores her. The Miles clone is a better version of himself, friendlier to guests and more attentive to Kate. Miles gets jealous and tries to reclaim some energy and initiative after a while. 

  

I like the simple plot so far. Guy gets mixed up in a cloning accident and has to figure out how to manage him, his clone and his relationship with his wife, which is rocky. Rudd doesn’t oversell any of the parts, he plays both characters straight. There is a running gag about Tom Brady at the cloning clinic that's pretty funny. 

I think there are two lessons from this show. First, no amount of shortcuts will ever lead to happiness and fulfillment. Second, humans are more than just bone structure and DNA with memories. Clones might be copies, but like a copy they are more of a picture than an exact replica. Cloning is really just a fun story telling device. Michael Keaton’s Multiplicity used it as well but played the object lesson (that shortcuts don’t exist) for laughs. ‘Living’ and Multiplicity both begin from the same point, stressed out people do dumb things.  Only Living With Yourself investigates the second lesson, that humans are flawed creatures but completely unique in experience.

6 - 12 Type Thinking

I saw something on Reddit that I thought seemed like great advice. I forgot to save the page and I didn’t know how to look for it so I’ll have to go from memory. In essence it showed how 9am to 5pm constitute work hours, but getting ahead requires putting in extra time. The 6pm to 12am window is for exploring additional paths, hobbies, making additional money and exercise. Obviously the frame of time is different for everyone. Some work early morning hours and others work long shifts 10 or 12 hours at a time.

The point is that to learn a new trade, talent or skill, one needs to put in extra work. It doesn’t have to mean killing yourself until you fall asleep from exhaustion.

Reddit commenters blistered it with negative feedback and outright hostility. What’s the alternative to improving your own lot, waiting for someone to give it to you? Stealing from the rich? The meme was nothing more than “Make the best use of your time and become a better you”. Hardly controversial stuff, but then people read meaning into quotes based on their biases. We all do this sometimes. 

  

 It sounded like advice from an individual who achieved success by using time wisely. Or, maybe they learned a new language, enough to get a job where knowledge of the language made the difference between working and not working. Maybe they taught themselves to code and wrote a program they later sold. I know internet communities aren’t real life; a handful of trolls can have an outsized impact. Still, if the reaction to studying hard and striving gets such nasty blowback what is being taught about self-improvement?

I did a quick google search for “self-improvement tips” to get a sense of the blogosphere’s advice, ideas. A lot of similar items pop up, “learn a new skill”, “develop good habits”, “have a plan”, “reflect”, “make time to relax”. Basically what I thought I’d find but with a few variations. When I googled “Is self-improvement bad?” I saw a better idea of what some might be thinking. 

“Essentially, the self-improvement culture invalidates your negative emotions. It sends a message of toxic positivity that prevents you from acquiring the skills you need to deal with the “real world.”

I don’t agree that the self-improvement culture is as rigid as this author thinks. Or maybe we are defining two different things. In the movie American Beauty Annette Bening plays a cold, sexless real estate agent trying in vain to get meaning from her career, extramarital affair. She is clearly unhappy but keeps on repeating silly positivity mantras. To me that sounds like toxic positivity, assuming that's even a real thing. It's not what I'm describing.

A lot of this seems too competitive to some, like the purpose of self-improvement is to ‘get ahead’ and ‘win’. Either that, or it sounds judgmental, like if you aren’t at the gym for an hour and reading Tolstoy in Russian then you aren’t trying. Maybe that's where the Reddit mob was coming from.

 I find it encouraging every time some 'average joe' makes one small, steady change in their life that causes other changes. Some lose weight and transform their diet completely. Others begin crafty projects that earn extra money and sometimes even become the primary source of income. By taking the notion of working after hours seriously, they’ve transformed their life.

 Think Dale Carnegie not Tony Robbins. We don’t need to break down every psychological component of ourselves to make steady changes to lifestyle or learn a skill. How many people got a real estate license just studying after hours or became a certified trainer at their gym? It doesn’t need to be competitive, it just needs a starting point.  

  

I don’t see another option for most of us. We survive in a vibrant economy that’s constantly churning out new ways to make money and disrupt old ones. Free market capitalism always contained some elements of disruption, but technology kicked it into hyperdrive. What’s tough to accept is that many jobs that had been staples of employment, factory labor, switchboard operator, semi-truck driver either disappeared or just got harder to come by. But with all the turnover and unease about the future, it’s never been easier to do something else, or spend time learning to do something else.

I get that people want to go to work, drop the kids off at basketball practice, make some dinner and watch Netflix before dozing off. But the idea of self-improvement from 6 to 12 isn’t meant to be literal. It’s a goal to use the free hours wisely. For a lot of us facing the real possibility that our job might disappear, it’s insurance.  It’s scary to see the industry you work in losing ground every day, but fortunately the barriers to learn, train, buy and sell are much lower.

A lot of us just entering the work force will have multiple jobs before we retire. Self-improvement means always being ready to acquire new talents, skills and trades.

Cubs update

Offseason baseball.

So the Cubbies are done with Addison Russell as of today. It's been a few months since they played so the name isn't exactly top of mind. He was the shortstop during the World Series run and on the roster for the last 2. An amazing talent whose production slipped a little last year, he still held the day to day starting position. Most fans know about the domestic abuse charge against him. He missed 40 games at the start of the last season for 'incidents'. Fans usually get off the band wagon when they hear about violence against women or children. I'm one of them. Everyone deserves a second chance though and he didn't make excuses or blame anyone, that I saw at least. 

Everyone's team needs pitching because arms wear out, players slump and need surgery. Guys that dominate one season can slump for the next two, that's baseball. The Cubs are no different in that way, always looking for arms. I saw an item that I sincerely hope is in the works. The front office showed some interest in left-hander Madison Bumgarner from the Giants. He's only 30 and still has a lot of upside. I still remember his shut down performance against the Royals in the 2014 World Series. He pitched 3 games and managed a 1.03 ERA, ridiculous! I get that it was a few years ago, but the last couple of years he's had injuries, broken hand and a broken rib. The rib was from a dirt bike accident and the hand from a ball hit back to the mound in spring training. So just, you know, keep him off the bikes. Not much you can do about balls hit back at the mound.

I looked around for some tidbits and news on the North Siders, but it's a little early for baseball trades and roster additions. A lot of it is just filler and wouldn't make the wire during the season. For instance they hired an assistant coach. Big deal. I'm just depressed about the Bears and their lackluster performance this year. I thought they were better. They looked good Sunday again the Lions. Trubisky looked good with 3 touchdowns and almost 350 yards passing. More than any other player he needed a good game. Sadly it's too little, too late to get on a streak. Either the Packers or the Vikings would have to lose almost every game till the end of the season for a playoff shot; I don't see it happening.

Raking Leaves and Giving up the Weekend

Raking leaves is a part of fall I hate, especially when they're wet and heavy. They clump together like old newspapers left out in the rain. The only benefit to wet leaves is that they pack into bags better. Condensed and flat, you can get twice as many in a paper sack. The cheap bags will soak through every time. Dry leaves are light and crunchy but tough to cram in. Here in Oklahoma we use plastic bags instead of those tall square paper bags doubled up like grocery sacks. They're clear as well instead of black; I guess so they can tell if you stuffed any paint cans or used motor oil in there. Not sure why we don’t use the giant paper ones. I've never been able to find them.

So yesterday was my twice yearly rake-a-thon. Why twice? Because the front yard trees drop leaves before the back. When I first moved here I raked and bagged, almost always at Thanksgiving because most trees are still full before that. In Illinois I’m sure the leaves changed color much quicker but I’m not sure how much. My guess is 3 weeks. But even with the faster change in season, we still worked right up till Thanksgiving for landscaping. Most of the work was done by early November but my boss always kept a few customers back until very late.

The first year that I moved to Oklahoma I raked it the typical way, small piles strewn around. Then I walked pile to pile and packed the bags as tight as possible trying not to poke holes through the sides with twigs. It’s exhausting as everyone knows.

The second year I took the lawnmower over the leaves and make a few passes to mulch them up. Overall the mower is easier but not much quicker, less bending over. But my mower is old and doesn’t plow through as well, it smokes and belches like an old Ford Pinto. I can’t pick it up with the catcher either. It’s a pitifully small net that fills up in two passes. I don’t want to stop the mower every time and empty the bag.

This year I went back to raking little piles and scooping them into plastic bags with both arms. Until I get a larger mower I expect I’ll do it this way. The back yard will be ready in about a week, maybe a little more.

 It’s funny how some things get easier as you get older. You figure out work arounds, shortcuts and best practices. It doesn't seem to apply with raking leaves. I tried using my brother’s leaf blower as well. It didn’t help. I’m a bit of a novice with the blower so that probably added to the longer than usual time. But it took the same amount of time as using the rake.

So why all all the bellyaching about a routine chore every year? I only really got one day off this week and half the day (exaggeration) was spend working on the yard. I think I still have this childish notion that I should get, no “deserve”, a full uninterrupted day of football games on TV and maybe a nap. It’s silly I know. We aren’t promised any free time or ‘just taking it easy type days’ no matter how much we want them.

Friday night and Saturday were taking up with a weekend church thing, the culmination of a men’s group that had a retreat feel. You know the kind, soul searching, finding purpose and dedicating yourself to ‘better’. I hope I’m not being flip. It’s a true joy being with like-minded purpose driven men and women. But it does cost something in time. Worth it for sure.

Something tells me I’ll get the time back. God is good that way.

“So teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom” (Psalm 90:12 ESV)   

The Mafia and the Chicken

If something is important to you it isn't negotiable. So what are we to make of the chicken franchise getting backed down off their long held fight over private donations? They used to donate money to The Salvation Army and the Fellowship of Christian Athletes or FCA. Today they made a decision to stop because pushy LGBT groups kept them out of big cities like San Antonio and Boston. There has hardly been a sillier reason keeping a business out. The mob won. Chick fil A buckled under pressure to let outsiders tell them where their money should go, or at least where it shouldn’t go.

In 2012 CEO Dan Cathy made statements in an interview condemning gay marriage. The online mob went after him and threatened a boycott. Christians (and other supporters) everywhere lined up around city blocks and parking lots to defend them. Principle won that day. Chick fil A won because they showed that it’s possible to have values and stick to them, and Christians applauded the effort. The mob retreated.

Mobs always come back though, especially in the face of weak leadership. I didn’t realize it before but Chick fil A quit giving to a handful of groups after the 2012 boycott. They stopped giving to Exodus International and the Family Research Council a few years ago. Chick fil A makes long term agreements in their giving. So if they make a 10 year commitment to a charity, they honor it. The donation agreements to the Salvation Army and the Fellowship of Christian Athletes were up at the end of last year. In order to get into other cities, or at least to not have mobs descend on your business, a deal was needed. 

Chick fil A rearranged its giving in two ways. First, they’re not giving long term commitments anymore, probably so they can quickly pull back money in case of a controversy. Second, they’re discarding those 'unsavory' Christian charities, Salvation Army and FCA, and giving to much less offensive ones. Homelessness and hunger are far less likely to bring protesters out to hold signs in front of your store.

I should have seen this coming. They did give in to pressure back in 2012 and stop supporting some groups that openly opposed gay marriage legislation. The support and bravery of their stance (a very small one in the larger picture) meant that they were a champion in the culture wars.

Some of my friends snicker at the idea of ‘culture wars’ an ‘exaggerated’ reason to get offended where nothing is really at stake. I’ll admit that much of it is heat and noise, designed to rally troops and causes; we don’t need to go to the mattresses every time another tradition is ripped away like a loose band aid. If Chick fil A were defending tradition for tradition’s sake I’d say ignore it. But they made a decision to stick by principle with the full knowledge that the choices might keep them out of certain markets.

Now their efforts and bravado seem silly.

It’s like they said “Remember that boycott that brought supporters out in droves and turned us into one of the largest growing companies? Uhhh…nevermind.”

Maybe Chick fil A bothers you because they're pro-traditional marriage. But mob behavior works both ways and might eventually come for something you value. Where is your line? What are you not willing to surrender on? I think everyone needs line, a set of ordered principles that no amount of money can influence.

 They threw it all away to get into a few big city markets with mafia-like gay lobbies that continue to treat them horribly. 

Certainly they’ll gain new business, but will they also lose some too?  

Impeachment Stuff

 

I listened to about 30 minutes of impeachment testimony on the radio Friday. This one is feels very partisan. There isn’t a crime, at least not one that anyone can name and these witnesses all seem to have the same angle on the Ukraine situation, that Trump used ‘irregular channels’ with Zelensky. Big deal. Presidents’ can use any channel they want. They establish the direction of foreign policy and can change it on a whim. Whether going around the ambassador is a good idea or not is best left to the voters.  

The case for impeachment hangs on whether or not Trump withheld aid to Ukraine until they coughed up dirt on Biden. But we already know Ukraine got the money without any giving up any Biden info. There was a delay in releasing the money, but is that really worth this? So the committee hearings are just State Department officials complaining that Trump left them out of the diplomatic process. Trump went around them because he doesn’t trust them.

 He survived an attempt to prove that he colluded with the Russians in 2016 to steal the election. Robert Mueller’s report (which took a ridiculous 2.5 years) showed no evidence of collusion and left the question of ‘obstruction’ hanging in the air.

Forget that obstruction was beyond the mandate of the Mueller report, the FBI team handling the probe committed serious errors. A reckoning is coming very soon on the corruption (Comey, Mccabe) that launched the Mueller report.

A lot of Trump’s reluctance (in my opinion) to use regular channels is he doesn’t trust these agencies.

 His administration is clumsy with sensitive matters. He uses poor judgement and has no discipline; he lashes out through Twitter and changes his mind and attacks the nearest bureaucrat. He is a mess, but this back and forth with the Ukrainian president is within the range of acceptable diplomacy. 

There is a lot more in the phone call about the DNC's missing server and Crowdstrike than Joe and Hunter Biden. Trump thinks Ukraine might have some information on this. Who knows?

 During the call he asks Zelensky to look into Hunter Biden and whether anything illegal happened when Joe Biden got the investigator fired. It could be damaging to Joe in the upcoming 2020 race, which is probably why we know about it.

Impeachments aren’t just about criminal behavior; Congress is within its right to impeach on even trivial matters but if they push too hard they’ll hurt themselves.

The trick is to convince the American people that Trump’s phone call was so egregious it demands impeachment. I don’t think it’s going to work. Will these hearings convince Democrat reps in red states to vote in favor? It matters less what he is accused of doing and more about whether they can make a case. Even if Trump is impeached it’s unlikely that the Senate votes to remove him. The Republicans run the Senate and they aren’t likely to toss him out.

He’ll be the only impeached president to run for office if he actually loses the vote! This might be the beginning of impeachment as a regular political tool but I hope not. This Ukraine thing is petty. It’s obvious from these civil servants testimonies that they are offended at having their ‘authority’ usurped by the president. 

We all get territorial about our position, even small things. I worked with a person whose job was to order office supplies and day to day items for the business. I hated going to him with a suggestion about anything. “Can you double up the post-its next time? We are out of forms, can you get a few more?” Every suggestion or request was met with a heavy sigh and a reminder of how busy he was. Problems were dismissed out of hand as ‘not important’ or ‘not my problem’. He didn’t like sharing responsibility either, lest we figure out how easy it is and get rid of him. Most offices have these types, they protect their work and guard information.

This looks like what’s going on with Ambassador Yovanovitch who Trump trashed in his phone call to Zelensky. Whatever his beef, he could fire her for wearing too much makeup if he wanted. Presidents can do that. I think if he had cleaned house right after coming in some of these bureaucrats wouldn’t be such a problem. There are too many ‘threatened’ departments protecting their turf and handling information in their way. Attempts to go around them are seen as offensive.  

The 9/11 Commission Report  (remember that?) concluded that intelligence agencies didn’t share enough information. That lack of sharing, or “siloing”, created an environment where credible intelligence leading to an attack on the World Trade Center was overlooked. We still see a lot of turf protecting today.

Hulu had a show last year called the “Looming Tower”. It showed how the CIA held on to critical intelligence that should’ve been shared with the FBI.  I have no idea how accurate the show was but the performance of Peter Sarsgaard (Martin Schmidt) is brilliant. An unappreciated genius who thinks his knowledge is superior, he hides information from others so they can’t get credit. Worst of all he thinks he is outside the chain of command, a decision maker unto himself. The point isn’t how right or wrong Martin is but how his arrogance transcends cooperation. He is allergic to oversight, contemptuous of other views and calculating to a fault.

So it’s a turf war with a twist. Adam Schiff plays out his hatred of Trump through the familiar idea of turf war and tries to makes a gamble that he can get the votes without alienating large swathes of the public. If he swings too hard people will show up just to vote against his party and all of Trump’s complaining about “witch hunts” and “fake news” will be true. Voters will see it that way too.

  

Up and to the Right

On running, I like to evaluate data points.

 I like to compare last year’s highs to this year’s. I’m not obsessive about it. I don’t write any of these numbers or times down. I have a working total in my head. I know when I’m up; I know when I’m down. As long the overall picture of success keeps improving and pushing for better, I’m doing what I should be.

 I guess if anything sticks out it’s that I’m kind of settling into a comfortable routine, 3 days a week with a long run on Sunday. I’m a little worried that this level of comfort will lead to complacency but it’s taken a while to get here and I don’t imagine I’ll throw it away. There will be weeks when I don’t get as much running in due to weather or injury or sickness, but a missed day here and there won’t throw me off that much. So far this winter is shaping up to be a cold one (by Oklahoma standards). Cold I can deal with but wet and stormy is a terrible mix and I hope we avoid a lot of the miserable days.

I’m back to getting hitting the gym before work instead of after. The change works better for me; I get up earlier now and coming home right after work gives me a lot more time to listen to podcasts and write. Going to bed a little earlier is a necessary adjustment. I thought getting out of bed a full hour earlier would bother me but it hasn’t, especially now that we’ve turned the clocks back an hour.

I might start running outdoors during the week. The downside is I live in the city and during the week the traffic is overwhelming. I don’t like jogging 5 or 6 feet from rush hour traffic so I would have to stay in the neighborhood. I’m not crazy about jogging in my neighborhood, too many dogs. It’s a true city neighborhood anyway, small lots and no sidewalks. I don’t have as much time during the week anyway. Sundays are fine for running through the city; I go early and the traffic is basically non-existent before 8:00 am. I use the treadmill at the gym which I used to hate but have actually gotten comfortable with.

The big race of the year is coming up and won’t be able to do it. The Route 66 Marathon (and Half Marathon) happens every November, usually right before Thanksgiving, and friends who’ve done it swear it’s the most fun they’ve had at an organized race. I’m committed to a church event the same week and although it sounds like a volunteer thing I could get out of, it’s actually pretty important so I can’t blow it off. I’m fine with it. I don’t live for these races the way some others do. I’ll join one when I can but I don’t exercise to compete. For me the joy is in making improvements and getting better, taking a look at where I was a year ago and drawing a line connecting the two.

As long as the line is still up and to the right, I’m happy.

An Exercise In Non-humility

I just read about an interesting discovery exercise, the kind of assignment these leadership gurus give to sleepy eyed participants. Write down a few achievements you are secretly proud of. These can be silly anecdotes about fixing a plumbing problem no one else could solve, an innate ability to answer sports trivia, or an undefeated streak at your basement fight club. For me, I would answer differently depending on the stage of life I was in.

 In my early twenties I was proud of finishing my college degree. Many people get degrees but for someone who wasn’t a great student, it meant a lot more. I wasn’t a bad student really. I did most of the work and turned in the required assignments but my ACT score was very low and I only took it once. It ensured that I wouldn’t get into a 4 year college on the first try. It’s a good thing though because I wasn’t ready for a full slate of work. Community College was more my speed at first. I eventually got to a University but struggled to find a rhythm, get to class consistently and do actual research.

One such hurdle was the level 1 math class I had to take for credit. If my post high school standardized tests were low, my math scores were in the basement. I had to do more than just show up this time. There would be little help in a class with 100 others. I put a routine in place right away; the first hour of every study day was dedicated to math homework. What was easy for most others (friends called it retard math) was difficult for me. I stood up while doing the homework. We had a kitchen bar for meals that I turned into my problem solving spot. I must have read somewhere that standing helps with focus; I never fell asleep mid problem either. I got through it. I did the work and finished the class. 

In my thirties I was proud of my teaching trip to China, even though it only lasted for one year. I stretched myself to learn in that time more than ever before and probably since. It’s also the kind of thing I can point to and say “Yup, I took a chance. I was lost and confused and disoriented a lot of the time but I did it”. I think the uniqueness of it stands out because it was very much outside my comfort zone. I had to navigate a world in which I didn’t speak the language and had very little help. From subway signs to buying food, tickets and asking for directions, I mostly traveled alone. Fortunately most Chinese are happy to help a confused white person staring aimlessly as a guidebook, I’m sure this is still true. Looking back, I’m surprised at how much problem solving was involved in everyday life.

The idea with all of this combing through proud moments of life like a former high school quarterback, is to find out why you’re proud of them. What is it you like most about yourself in that situation? What about that moment is worth remembering? And most importantly, how does it demonstrate the ‘best’ you? We are supposed to use this discovery as a means to pursue other careers, friendships, adventures, money making enterprises. Maybe it won’t work for everyone, but like a lot of thought experiments it’s designed to drag the mind and inspect the debris that surfaces.

It there is a theme for me it’s this, I’m always prouder of things that require persistence. The things that stand out are ones requiring grit and determination. There are plenty of activities I’ve attempted and quit too, it isn’t like I finish everything I start. I can remember joining a few softball teams (Army and college) and deciding after a few games I didn’t like the sport. Or I’d get drunk the night before and skip practice. But the ones I did finish after a long ordeal go into the secretly proud category. Why ‘secretly’? Mostly these are things we don’t run around telling everyone, they aren’t secretive really. The goal is to give yourself permission to be a little braggy and notice a trend, or not. Apparently I’m most proud of myself when a good deal of persistence is needed to finish.

Maybe a secondary point to all this is to never disregard areas of life we are proud of, even if they aren't traditional achievements. The author who turned me on to this exercise started a successful business magazine that was easy and fun to read like Sports Illustrated, instead of the dry newsletters circulating at the time. He said he had read every issue during the time he was supposed to be doing research at the school library. He funneled his interest of sports into a magazine for Silicone Valley companies. 

Maybe a little non-humility is all we need.

Renewing the Mind--Again

“Being Irish, he had an abiding sense of tragedy, which sustained him through periodic bouts of joy.” WB Yeats

I read through one of my usual blogs today (hard at work obviously) and that quote popped up. The funny lines always conceal a dark truth. Forget the Irish part of it, some of us wear sadness like a raincoat. But not just sadness, more that life is out to screw us; an impending sense that trouble is just around the corner.

Tragedy can play out in compulsive grumbling, but mostly it’s a personal view of life where the arc of the future is forever descending. The Yeats quote sums it up perfectly. We all experience joy on occasion, but for the tragic person it’s like an intermission to an exhausting opera.

A tragic person sees life like a pinball game. Everyone doing what they can to keep the  ball banging around and slamming into bumpers that light up and slides that move it quickly through a maze of buzzers and sounds. Others are just better at punching the flippers and keeping the game going, they can go long stretches on one ball. Some of us never quite figured out the timing of the flippers or just figured we weren’t lucky. The ball rolls through the middle slot every few seconds, as we angrily jam another couple of tokens in the slot.  For some it’s win big and score high. For tragic people it’s lose and score low.

Why do some do so well while others suffer to just keep the ball going? Pinball is a game, a contest designed to separate winners and losers. Life doesn’t work this way despite our penchant for comparison. We don’t all play the same game.

At some point the persistent feeling of coming up short feeds an already low self-esteem a steady diet of negativity. The sense of loss permeates everything from sports to finances. When the Bears miss the playoffs it’s because “We can’t pick any good players” or “We always fall apart in tough spots!” The fortunes of our teams run parallel to our own. The weather is cloudy and cold on our day off, you’ll probably get sick too because of your allergies. You didn’t have the grades for a 4 year University and had to settle for a junior college. The car you bought cost more in repairs than the sticker price, now you’re upside down. You didn’t have insurance either when you hit the curb and smashed into neighbors’ mailbox. Then you failed a sobriety test after the accident.

 “Hey, You’d drink too if your team lost, and your college rejected you, and you were always sick!”

Blaming people and events and upbringing creates a barrier, nothing positive gets through. But small victories build gratitude. When gratitude picks up steam it builds even more gratitude. Suddenly loses aren’t quite as grim. They don’t carry such ‘eternal’ weight. They don’t determine our worth as individuals.  

 A teacher once showed me how to study for test. She said condense the material into chunks and celebrate after I’d memorized a chunk. Celebrate could mean getting a snack or taking a break. I thought it was silly but I did it. Breaking up large amounts of information into manageable study units worked great. I didn’t celebrate, seemed a little like getting a trophy for showing up, but I did acquire a better way to learn. It’s a great way to approach life too. An appreciation for victories no matter how small replaces that negative feedback loop of failure, with one of success.

That’s the practical part, the listing of things so you check them off part. You need to change your mindset as well, which is much tougher. It’s never finished either. Renewing your mind is a lifelong journey that begins at the cross. You need to understand how God sees you and let His truth transform the image of yourself, rooted in failure and tragedy.

Open the Bible and read a chapter or two. If that’s too big of a chunk then study one verse. Here is a good one “For I know the plans I have for you” says the Lord, They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.” (Jerimiah 29:11 NLT).   

The point of all of it really is that life falls into place in the order that it should. Important things like family relationships and spiritual growth become central. Most important, you’ll understand that sense of foreboding for what it is, lies (malarkey?). You won’t see life as a pinball game anymore with some just better equipped to play. It won’t be a contest you’re destined to lose. Hope replaces tragedy when you put in the work and focus on renewing the mind.

The Ross Era

I was a little surprised the Cubs went with David Ross. Like most new manager hires, no one is really sure how they'll do. Everyone in Chicago loves the guy. He had an amazing run as the Cubs catcher in 2016 during the World Series win; he won a World Series with the Red Sox as well so he is a winner. I would rather he got his experience somewhere else first. This is still a team loaded with talent.

Here is the article.

I wanted Joe Girardi. He was also a catcher with the Cubs in 1990 and again in 2000. After he quit playing he was hired by the Yankees to manage the team. He won the Series in 2009. I just think his experience is unmatched. And he is an Illinois kid too. Not that it matters a lot but he grew up in Peoria and attended Northwestern. I thought he had the best shot.

The biggest issue the Cubs are going to have is how to hold on to these players (Bryant, Baez) when their contracts are up in two years. They'll probably have to trade at least one of them or risk loosing farm talent for the next few years. They are a rich team (relatively speaking) but they need to start winning again. Big salaried teams need to justify their price and missing the playoffs for the last two years isn't good. I remember looking at the fivethirtyeight website at the start of the season. It's a stat heavy website that compiles data on everything from sports to politics. It predicted that they would  finish 3rd in their division this year. I thought it was nuts at the time, "Big data is a scam!" They led all year, won more games and had the best shot at the playoffs. The Cards couldn't keep up, the Brewers fell behind. 

Then they finished 3rd, as predicted.

I've been watching the Nationals run through the playoffs this year, ticking off victory after victory. They lead the series 2 games to 0 over a much better Astros team. Astros are better in almost every category, starting pitching, bullpen pitching, overall hitting and even total wins. But in baseball the team that gets hot in the playoffs usually wins out. It isn't over yet but I like Washington's chances. Their next 2 games are at home in DC.

Hopefully next year the Cubs with their new, very green, manager can get hot like in 2016.
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Fall Jogging

It’s getting chilly in Tulsa, the good kind of chilly; the kind we welcome after a long hot summer. But just because the first night below 40 degrees hits in mid-October, it doesn’t mean the chill is here to stay. We’ll have plenty of warm afternoons and cool mornings until December arrives. Even then we tend to move slowly into winter like an elderly man climbing steps. No matter though, the snow melts pretty quickly on average. I’m looking forward to colder weather running again. If nothing else the heat makes it difficult to get your weekly miles in. Getting up and running in the cold is no treat for the first mile, but when your extremities warm and your muscles loosen up you put in more distance for less effort. I don’t run in anything below 30 degrees though.   

This past Sunday’s weather was ideal for joggers. I was surprised to see so few of them out considering the temp of 45 degrees with full sun is almost perfect. I managed 10.25 miles and felt like I could eek out another couple of miles if I had to. I usually manage to go between 8 and 10 on Sunday (my long day) but I’m always ready to crawl to the finish when the temps are hot. My biggest mistake this time was not wearing a thicker shirt. When it gets sweaty the cool air blows through the wet fabric making it feel like I'm running through a spring storm. A little chill in the air is ideal though.

I carried a bottle this time. I’d seen others run with a contoured squirt bottle that wraps neatly around your hand. I bought one when I was in Colorado and only used on that disastrous trail run. I had yet to bring it on one of my longer runs even though it’s perfect. The idea being ‘stay hydrated and avoid frequent stops at drinking fountains dry mouthed and overheated’.

This is probably a silly concern but I was afraid I’d get irritated with the swinging motion of a heavier bottle in one hand and nothing in the other. I couldn’t exactly change my mind after a few miles and throw it away either. But it worked out great and I didn’t need to stop along the way. I didn’t even notice the swinging motion after a while. Besides, I’d rather have the water when I need it. I can’t believe I didn’t get one for those hot days in the summer. Oh well, next year.

I’m not signed up for any half marathons yet. I would do the Route 66 one in mid -November but I have a commitment I can’t get out of. I’m working during the Tulsa Run, which is only a 15K but is a popular event around here. As long as I keep my schedule of running 3 days every week I’ll never be too out of shape for a race. I don’t see doing a full marathon anytime soon though. I know the amount of work it takes to get into 26 mile shape, and I’m not interested right now.

The fall is the best time to run in Oklahoma. It’s the first time I made real strides in my overall distance and it’s the best time to make new ones.  

More Hokey Please!

That’s it, no more! I’m not making fun of the Hallmark channel anymore. I won’t poke fun at their predictably jolly Christmas stories with ‘happily ever after’ endings. I definitely won't mock the thin plot lines and sappy romance leaking through the screen like hot coffee through a paper cup.  They’ve found a niche in making low budget family movies and turned it into gold for two months out of the year. They've also tapped into a growing discontentment among viewers over dark, twisted TV shows and movies. 

 I just noticed a list for new Christmas movies this year; a cause for celebration among some, including my mom. They’ve made 40 new films, 40! That’s impressive, even for factory films shot in studios and patched up over the course of a week. They’ve gone from a family friendly station with very cheesy programming to a Christmas only network, basically. The cheese is still there in heaping portions but the holiday specials bring in a lot of viewers for the network. Their model for raking it in looks an awful lot like a retail store. Make sure the good stuff is available for November and December and churn out new product in the spring and summer.

 The actors are mostly B and C who’ve had bit parts in other movies. You’re bound to see a familiar face in at least one of the snowy town sets, “Isn’t that the one from?” or “Didn’t they play the doctor in?” Hallmark is getting wealthy though and going after bigger stars like Danny Glover and John Cusack, both of whom were in a big budget Christmas film in 2017. Candace Cameron Bure is practically an ambassador for the network.

Most of the stuff I read about Hallmark doesn’t really get at why it’s raking in money on Christmas films like a hustler on a pool table. So here is my theory. People are sick of bad news and dark, horrific subject matter in TV and films. The biggest box office movie right now is about a guy who loses his mind becomes a psychopath. OK so the title is Joker , as in DC Comics but from the reviews, it’s a very different sort of movie. Nothing against making gritty depictions of urban decay, but I like my narratives to have a redemptive arc, or at least the notion that evil gets punished. I haven’t seen it yet so maybe I’m being unfair. Some of the Netflix shows have the same issue, dark cities with unspeakably cruel villains, moral cowardice and a flawed hero. 

I’m not trashing movies with heavy themes. I love great drama and even sad stories some of the time. I even like violence and righteous killing, but TV and films overflow with them like a septic tank in a suburban yard. Is it any wonder there is an increase in light hearted movies with predictable plots and fairy tale endings?

The national news is worse because it’s real life and anxiety and depression are on the rise. A couple of the sources I looked at found that because of things like 24/7 news but also everyday issue like health, finances, relationships and safety. I’m sure constant connectivity (alerts, and status updates) from social media plays a role in anxiousness.   

 The news is basically awful all the time. Not that positive things don’t happen, but news is kind of tilted toward the bad, the negative, the reckless. Positive well-lit feature films might offer a reprieve, or at least a smidge of sunny optimism in their canned, studio way. We know the story is loose and predictable, we know the acting is lame but we don’t care. I realize I'm giving Hallmark a heavy load in assuaging America's anxiousness with a bit of hot cocoa and warm blanket, but the number of viewers to their Christmas extravaganza goes up every year. At least some of those viewers are in the 'I can't take anymore darkness' category.

Real life is messy and corny yarns give us just the right amount of relief. We don’t need to feel guilty or sad about the outcome. The director isn’t making us feel bad about the environment or driving a gas guzzler or persecuted religious groups or poor indigenous tribes or voting Republican or owning guns or eating meat. They just want you to watch and root for the guy to get the girl, the town to get a new firetruck (or courthouse) and the long lost siblings to reunite on Christmas Eve. All of this needs to happen in sweaters.

The best part is, no grisly murders or rapes, no nuclear bombs or assassinations and no face eating zombies.

 I don’t usually watch Hallmark, but maybe I’ll start.     

Crazy Rich Asians: Book Review

 I remember seeing title before and thinking “Is it ‘crazy rich’ like filthy rich, or ‘crazy’ and ‘rich’ like Tom Cruise?” Turns out it’s a little of both. I described to a friend as Downton Abby with Chinese characteristics. Obviously there is a whole lot wrong with that description but it’s a starting point. Where the British show had a 2 part aristocrats and their ‘help’ feel, Asians is about the aristocrats only.  The story is modern day and mostly takes place in Singapore where a lot of ethnic Chinese live. There is history of wealthy Chinese leaving the mainland after the Japanese invaded in 1931, but that’s a post for another day.  

I can’t tell how much of this fictional account is true to form. In other words, is the wealth really that grand, million dollar shopping trips and 2 million dollar earrings? Or is it an exaggeration to emphasize a lifestyle that almost no one reading it can relate to? 

Here is the story in a nutshell. An American woman (Rachel) goes to meet the family of her wealthy boyfriend (Nick) at the occasion of a wedding for Nick’s closest friend.  The twist is that she doesn’t know how fabulously rich his family is or how nasty they are. She gets blindsided by an all-out assault from relatives and hangers on. Nick doesn’t exactly prepare her for the world he is bringing her into. Partly because he sees himself a bit outside of it, he’s lives in New York with Rachel, and partly because he doesn’t want to freak her out.

I had a hard time buying Nick as a character. He is more endearing as an honest guy who doesn’t consider his family’s immense wealth, but it’s not plausible to me.  He’s always saying things like “I just don’t really think about that stuff” or “Well my Ah Ma is rich but I’m just a regular guy”. His Ah Ma (grandma) is basically royalty with a massive estate and a corner of Singapore all to herself. The family of characters, uncles, aunts, nephews and friends add to the colorful nature of the book. Not all of them are enemies to Rachel but there are a fair amount of ‘mean girls’ and nasty tricks. She is ABC (American Born Chinese) and therefore holds a lower tier in their social stratosphere. Also she is dating a rich guy, and likely to inherit wealth they would rather keep for themselves.   

  

I got a little lost in the labels. The author is clearly steeped in fashion. He listed off more high end chic stores and designers than I’d ever heard of. It’s was a bit much and I don’t think it enhanced the story. This is probably just my bias coming through. I imagine by telling the reader which handbag, shoe or designer is a way of mentioning the scale. “I bought a watch today” sounds a lot less impressive than “I bought a Patek Philippe watch today.” Much like writers who know about guns, they never write “John grabbed the handgun off the ground and squeezed off a short burst into the killer’s chest.” They have to write “John grabbed the Smith and Wesson 9mm off the ground and squeezed off a short burst of hollow point rounds into the killer’s chest.” Some of that adds to the story but gets old quickly if not reigned in.

 Detail is essential for mental images but works like peanut butter cups in ice cream, too many will make you sick.

What does work very well is when the characters speak with a combined English and Hokkien (Malaysian) dialect or an English and Cantonese mixed dialect. The author included a helpful footnote at the end of every chapter to explain the meaning of the dialect. Most of it doesn’t need a lot of explaining, the dialogue works even if the reader doesn’t speak the language. The expressions and exasperations are pretty much the same everywhere.

I watched the movie almost right after I read the book. The book is far less conclusive on the whole ‘will they get together despite the nutty family theme?’. In the movie...well, it’s a romantic comedy so make what you will of that.

Trail run Fail

I spent last week in Colorado Springs on vacation. Mostly I like to hike and see the city but this time I also signed up for a race. I did one half marathon before so I thought I could do one again. Now I run throughout the week so I figured I was in shape for a 13.1 mile run. The race was through trails and although I’d never done any serious trail stuff I wanted to try. The “trail” part of the run scared me enough go to the park a day early and walk the route. I downloaded a GPS app for my phone and followed the map through the woods. I got there a bit early and bumped into the race coordinator setting up cones and tying ribbons on tree branches. I let him finish before I walked the remainder.

Walking the route make me realize pretty quick that I wasn’t going to set any records on this one. Steep hills and drops, rough ground and a very zig zaggy path made for brutal course. A few people got lost on the first lap of the race. Partly due to where the cones were positioned and partly because it was downhill, they zoomed right through the trail split. I nearly followed them but remembered the route from walking earlier in the day and got back on line.  I managed the first lap by jogging most of the way and walking up the higher rises. The second lap did me in. I think I’d mentally given up after the first one and just hoped to get in one more. So I started a half marathon and completed a 10k.

Should I have finished the full distance? I’ve thought about that since. I could have gone back and walked the whole course 2 more times. It was a 3.3 mile loop that meant I had to run around it 4 times to complete a half marathon. It just seemed silly to walk it, anyone can do that. I just need more practice on trails next time. I wanted to blame the altitude or my lack of sleep or not getting enough water but really, I just wasn’t ready this time.

At least I enjoyed myself the rest of the time. I saw the US Olympic training center and finally went to Pikes Peak. The failed race was a downer on an otherwise pleasant trip.

Bits of Weird

It’s the little things in life that irritate, befuddle, confound.

 We all have quirky elements of character that regular people shake their heads at, bits of weird really.  Some of us are rule Nazis about board games. Any deviation in standard practice creates a seismic shift in gravitational pull of the earth. Some wear black socks like it’s the only color option. With athletic shorts and sandals? yup. With board shorts and tank tops? yup. With undershirts and boxers? what else. There doesn’t need to be a deeply held reason either. Some quirks just feel right.

 So here is one of my bits of weird. I need to carry everything in from the car in one heaping trip. Mostly I go to the gym or run after work so I’m usually sweaty and gross, not to mention irritable. The day is ruined however, if I can’t strategically carry all my goods safely into the house in one go. It’s not an art exactly but it must happen in the same way or precious time is wasted on an exhaustive second trip to the car to scrounge around for items not worthy to be carried the first time. Generally I throw the sweaty towel over my neck first.

Second come the keys from the ignition but I can’t pocket them. I need them for the door so they have to stay in my right hand. If it’s dark out, this is critical, I must select the door key while the light from the dashboard is still on. This can go south quickly. A fumble at the doorstep and I’ll have to set everything down and search in the dark for right key. Then I have to pick everything back up in the proper order once the door unlocks and stumble in.

After picking the right key and holding it tightly I reach for the morning’s empty coffee cup, usually tucked under the front passenger seat. I hate leaving things overnight in the car, another weird thing. Then comes the wallet from the center counsel and the frequently neglected phone in the cup holder. Both go in the front right pocked of whichever shorts I happen to be wearing.  Next I tuck the cup gently under my left arm. I’ve lost a couple of nice mugs this way so I’ve learned the right amount of pressure and movement. It’s a delicate balance. I move around the back of the car (SUV) and pop open the hatch. I sling the laptop shoulder bag and the gym duffel over my left shoulder, this way I still have a free hand in case I happen to have a bag of groceries or a watermelon. One bag is the limit though because I only have one free hand, the other one holds the all important key. If I can carefully close the door with the key hand I’m basically home free.

The last part is the approach up the steps and to the door. I don’t dare get cocky though.   The most common screw ups are trying to grab the mail from the mailbox with the key hand and subsequently dropping the key into the darkness, tripping on the steps and dropping the mug and laptop on the concrete, or trying to press the car lock bottom on the key fob and letting the house key slip down the ring and having to find it again. It’s all an exhausting bit of choreography. My angry outbursts are completely uneven to the gravity of the situation though. I’m getting better.  

What I can’t quite figure is, why do I feel the need to do it one trip? My car sits roughly 8 paces from the front door. Maybe it goes back to when I lived in an apartment and had to park 50 yards or more from the door. Maybe it’s a particular interest, I did NOT say obsession, with efficiency. Whatever the reason I get too upset about silly things in life that aren’t that important.

I’m learning to be more grateful for health, both physical and mental. Also grateful that phones and laptops and lights actually work in this country. The electricity is reliable and the gas, cable and internet come right into the house. The grocery stores don’t run out of food, unless there is a tornado on the way in which case you should’ve got there earlier. The roads are paved, the sewers run underground and the trash is collected every week. We can worship freely and say almost anything in public. A lot of us own cars and houses and toys like boats and swimming pools and motorcycles. We take vacations to places where often, the little things like electricity, gas and phones don't work as well.

Gratitude for stuff and gratitude for condition goes a long way toward easing stress over daily problems, real and imagined. Being grateful for little things in the same measure that we stress out over them is the antidote to anxiety. The quirky bits of weird are just part of who we are. We accept it and move on.

Sometimes you have to break a few coffee mugs to realize it.

Andrew Luck

Andrew Luck’s retirement is surprising in its abruptness. There is the usual exaggeration from sportswriters and TV talking heads. Being a beat writer makes for some genuine cynicism. The lies and distortions from front offices creates antagonism, fear and loathing in the reporters. The most annoying ones are the 'what-does-this-say-about-society' types that never miss a change to remind fans how immoral we all are. Some are already signaling the death of football and blaming the fans in the process. Jamele Hill at the Atlantic thinks Luck is Exhibit A in “evolving” players retiring before injuries completely ruin any chance at a normal life.

Not all fans are actually capable of seeing the humanity of the players they follow so closely. When the allure of the game is rooted in violence, and in conformity to whatever the team demands, players are treated as physical objects and nothing more.

The tone is one of finger waging. “How can you watch this sport that glorifies pain?” First of all the “allure of the game” is that most of couldn’t make a college roster at any spot, let alone an NFL team. There is an excellence most people will never know, it’s a mystique. We love football because only the toughest, most athletic and physically gifted among us can do it. Yes it is violent but the violence isn’t arbitrary or excessive, it’s a game of rules. Players aren’t treated as “physical objects and nothing more”. They couldn’t sell us life insurance or deodorant, loafers or pizza if we regarded them as mere pawns. Their value doesn’t extend beyond the team in though; we rely on their greatness as long as the team wins. That isn’t very different from the corporate world is it?

If we are seeing a move away from long careers then so be it. The salaries are extremely high because of the risky nature. Commercial fisherman, coal miners and soldiers would be fortunate to earn such a massive take. It pays well because so few can do it, also because we pay to watch. Andrew Luck made a very reasonable calculation; he’d made enough money to live comfortably. Better to get out while still relatively healthy. I think the timing was terrible and he should have done this last season, or waited until this one was over.

Some fans booed him as he headed for the tunnel. The story is that Luck retired after a short career, at least for someone with such a bright future. But a lot of sports writers and opinion talkers are making it about the booing. This from Deadspin:

“It never ceases to amaze me how some idiots can get so caught up in a fandom that they forget the players on the field are human beings.”

I think the fans can be given a break here. Booing is always ugly but their superstar quarterback quits right before the season and their supposed to sing ‘thanks for the memories’ and he strolls out of stadium in a T-shirt? They’re a little pissed off and they should be. If you hired a manager to run your business and he quit right at the beginning of the project, you’d be upset too.

 The criticism of Luck by the fans reflects the short notice of the news. It’s like “Oh by the way, your potential hall of fame quarterback is retiring today, have a great season.” If doesn’t matter what the reason, he left you dry. The anger will wane though. Give it a season and they’ll appreciate his years and effort. I don’t think anyone believes Andrew Luck wouldn’t play if he could perform reasonable well.  He won’t get a Peyton Manning type reception in Indy, but he won’t get the villain treatment forever. Colts fans will come around eventually and look to the future. 

Enough please about us fans not treating players like human beings. You can find ugliness in fans all over the league. But I won’t feel guilty about watching a game with a high probability of injuries for the athletes. It’s made a lot of people very wealthy and provided comfortable living standards for those with few other options.

There is a hard truth that comes with playing professional team sports. The team is bigger than any one player. That’s especially true in football where a bad turn or awkward hit can end a career overnight. It’s sad when injuries keep guys out, but the games go on and the only thing retiring players should feel is gratitude. Gratitude for the ability and the chance to play the toughest game around and rake in some serious money for their efforts. 

Gratitude that people thought so much of you, that they booed your decision to step away.