An Exercise In Non-humility

I just read about an interesting discovery exercise, the kind of assignment these leadership gurus give to sleepy eyed participants. Write down a few achievements you are secretly proud of. These can be silly anecdotes about fixing a plumbing problem no one else could solve, an innate ability to answer sports trivia, or an undefeated streak at your basement fight club. For me, I would answer differently depending on the stage of life I was in.

 In my early twenties I was proud of finishing my college degree. Many people get degrees but for someone who wasn’t a great student, it meant a lot more. I wasn’t a bad student really. I did most of the work and turned in the required assignments but my ACT score was very low and I only took it once. It ensured that I wouldn’t get into a 4 year college on the first try. It’s a good thing though because I wasn’t ready for a full slate of work. Community College was more my speed at first. I eventually got to a University but struggled to find a rhythm, get to class consistently and do actual research.

One such hurdle was the level 1 math class I had to take for credit. If my post high school standardized tests were low, my math scores were in the basement. I had to do more than just show up this time. There would be little help in a class with 100 others. I put a routine in place right away; the first hour of every study day was dedicated to math homework. What was easy for most others (friends called it retard math) was difficult for me. I stood up while doing the homework. We had a kitchen bar for meals that I turned into my problem solving spot. I must have read somewhere that standing helps with focus; I never fell asleep mid problem either. I got through it. I did the work and finished the class. 

In my thirties I was proud of my teaching trip to China, even though it only lasted for one year. I stretched myself to learn in that time more than ever before and probably since. It’s also the kind of thing I can point to and say “Yup, I took a chance. I was lost and confused and disoriented a lot of the time but I did it”. I think the uniqueness of it stands out because it was very much outside my comfort zone. I had to navigate a world in which I didn’t speak the language and had very little help. From subway signs to buying food, tickets and asking for directions, I mostly traveled alone. Fortunately most Chinese are happy to help a confused white person staring aimlessly as a guidebook, I’m sure this is still true. Looking back, I’m surprised at how much problem solving was involved in everyday life.

The idea with all of this combing through proud moments of life like a former high school quarterback, is to find out why you’re proud of them. What is it you like most about yourself in that situation? What about that moment is worth remembering? And most importantly, how does it demonstrate the ‘best’ you? We are supposed to use this discovery as a means to pursue other careers, friendships, adventures, money making enterprises. Maybe it won’t work for everyone, but like a lot of thought experiments it’s designed to drag the mind and inspect the debris that surfaces.

It there is a theme for me it’s this, I’m always prouder of things that require persistence. The things that stand out are ones requiring grit and determination. There are plenty of activities I’ve attempted and quit too, it isn’t like I finish everything I start. I can remember joining a few softball teams (Army and college) and deciding after a few games I didn’t like the sport. Or I’d get drunk the night before and skip practice. But the ones I did finish after a long ordeal go into the secretly proud category. Why ‘secretly’? Mostly these are things we don’t run around telling everyone, they aren’t secretive really. The goal is to give yourself permission to be a little braggy and notice a trend, or not. Apparently I’m most proud of myself when a good deal of persistence is needed to finish.

Maybe a secondary point to all this is to never disregard areas of life we are proud of, even if they aren't traditional achievements. The author who turned me on to this exercise started a successful business magazine that was easy and fun to read like Sports Illustrated, instead of the dry newsletters circulating at the time. He said he had read every issue during the time he was supposed to be doing research at the school library. He funneled his interest of sports into a magazine for Silicone Valley companies. 

Maybe a little non-humility is all we need.