More Hokey Please!

That’s it, no more! I’m not making fun of the Hallmark channel anymore. I won’t poke fun at their predictably jolly Christmas stories with ‘happily ever after’ endings. I definitely won't mock the thin plot lines and sappy romance leaking through the screen like hot coffee through a paper cup.  They’ve found a niche in making low budget family movies and turned it into gold for two months out of the year. They've also tapped into a growing discontentment among viewers over dark, twisted TV shows and movies. 

 I just noticed a list for new Christmas movies this year; a cause for celebration among some, including my mom. They’ve made 40 new films, 40! That’s impressive, even for factory films shot in studios and patched up over the course of a week. They’ve gone from a family friendly station with very cheesy programming to a Christmas only network, basically. The cheese is still there in heaping portions but the holiday specials bring in a lot of viewers for the network. Their model for raking it in looks an awful lot like a retail store. Make sure the good stuff is available for November and December and churn out new product in the spring and summer.

 The actors are mostly B and C who’ve had bit parts in other movies. You’re bound to see a familiar face in at least one of the snowy town sets, “Isn’t that the one from?” or “Didn’t they play the doctor in?” Hallmark is getting wealthy though and going after bigger stars like Danny Glover and John Cusack, both of whom were in a big budget Christmas film in 2017. Candace Cameron Bure is practically an ambassador for the network.

Most of the stuff I read about Hallmark doesn’t really get at why it’s raking in money on Christmas films like a hustler on a pool table. So here is my theory. People are sick of bad news and dark, horrific subject matter in TV and films. The biggest box office movie right now is about a guy who loses his mind becomes a psychopath. OK so the title is Joker , as in DC Comics but from the reviews, it’s a very different sort of movie. Nothing against making gritty depictions of urban decay, but I like my narratives to have a redemptive arc, or at least the notion that evil gets punished. I haven’t seen it yet so maybe I’m being unfair. Some of the Netflix shows have the same issue, dark cities with unspeakably cruel villains, moral cowardice and a flawed hero. 

I’m not trashing movies with heavy themes. I love great drama and even sad stories some of the time. I even like violence and righteous killing, but TV and films overflow with them like a septic tank in a suburban yard. Is it any wonder there is an increase in light hearted movies with predictable plots and fairy tale endings?

The national news is worse because it’s real life and anxiety and depression are on the rise. A couple of the sources I looked at found that because of things like 24/7 news but also everyday issue like health, finances, relationships and safety. I’m sure constant connectivity (alerts, and status updates) from social media plays a role in anxiousness.   

 The news is basically awful all the time. Not that positive things don’t happen, but news is kind of tilted toward the bad, the negative, the reckless. Positive well-lit feature films might offer a reprieve, or at least a smidge of sunny optimism in their canned, studio way. We know the story is loose and predictable, we know the acting is lame but we don’t care. I realize I'm giving Hallmark a heavy load in assuaging America's anxiousness with a bit of hot cocoa and warm blanket, but the number of viewers to their Christmas extravaganza goes up every year. At least some of those viewers are in the 'I can't take anymore darkness' category.

Real life is messy and corny yarns give us just the right amount of relief. We don’t need to feel guilty or sad about the outcome. The director isn’t making us feel bad about the environment or driving a gas guzzler or persecuted religious groups or poor indigenous tribes or voting Republican or owning guns or eating meat. They just want you to watch and root for the guy to get the girl, the town to get a new firetruck (or courthouse) and the long lost siblings to reunite on Christmas Eve. All of this needs to happen in sweaters.

The best part is, no grisly murders or rapes, no nuclear bombs or assassinations and no face eating zombies.

 I don’t usually watch Hallmark, but maybe I’ll start.