Golf Belongs to the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia

 

Monahan Wants a Mulligan 

It was a slow Monday at work or I wouldn’t have noticed the headline scrolling across the bottom of the TV screen. It said something about a golf merger. The guy being interviewed was the ever present Jay Monahan, the PGA Commissioner. I put the Golf Channel on at work because it’s easy to ignore. ESPN isn’t quite as good for background. They have too many yelling, excitable anchors who treat their own opinions like preachers treat the gospel. My first thought was, this can’t be true, not after the way the PGA treated players who left their league.

Monahan himself is on record questioning player loyalty. "I would ask any player who has left or any player who would consider leaving, 'Have you ever had to apologize for being a member of the PGA Tour?'" The implication here is that since the Saudi’s own the LIV tour it’s tantamount to playing for terrorists. Actually this whole, the-Saudi’s-don’t-respect-human-rights, PR campaign has been in full swing since the split. The PGA and its players have leaned into it. It was the case when the US government started selling them military equipment. It was true when global oil companies did business with the kingdom. Formula One held a race in Jeddah in March. Global horse races, art shows and martial arts exhibitions all go there.

This new deal doesn’t mean the kingdom is suddenly cosmopolitan and liberal however. But it always felt like a reactionary barb, meant to put a mark on those players who decided to leave. It looks downright silly now. Calling someone a criminal isn’t the same as calling them greedy. We assume the greedy person can become generous, or at the very least pragmatic. But when you call someone a criminal, multiple times and in multiple ways, where can you go? The PGA just shamelessly turned around and said, “nah brah, it’s cool”. That underlines their original position entirely and makes them look ridiculous.

I have no idea how decisions are made in any sport. But dumping on the Saudi Arabian Public Investment Fund (PIF) and their country’s problem of abuses was a negotiating technique by PGA officials to keep as many players at home as possible. If they only lost some of the older stars like (Mickelson, Garcia and Poulter) they could weather the storm. The PGA was desperate to keep its brand intact but ultimately lost the gamble. Was this the plan all along, to merge leagues so that everyone makes more money? Both leagues probably decided it made more sense to end the war in the courts. Most of these court cases will drag on for years and end up hurting the bottom line of both.

My sympathies are with the golfers PGA loyalists, Rory and Morikawa and Scheffler. They resisted the millions offered to leave and now they look like suckers. Their good deeds and loyalty were held cheaply by a backstabbing tour. It left them in the fox hole while negotiating a settlement during the firefight. Staying with the PGA, also meant these players had some kind of future promises of a better financial arrangement. The PGA was setting up larger purses, more tournaments and chances to earn money. It’s hard to imagine a more duplicitous public act. Monahan should resign, at least then it would appear that the anti-Saudi wing of the PGA lost the argument.

We don’t know the details of the new arrangement yet. So far it’s just a press release. But the wealthy PIF is the biggest investor in the new merger. It’s also going to bring in the DP World Tour which is Europe’s primary league. Basically that means the Saudis own golf now. Global golf belongs to the Kingdom of Saud. Amazing.

I prefer the old days where America dominated everything in entertainment and sports. It wasn’t that long ago was it? But too many people think of the United States as spreading democracy to the rest of the world. It isn’t. It doesn’t. It won’t. If the last 8 to 10 years hasn’t made you realize how actually corrupt our government and businesses are then you aren’t paying attention. That probably seems like moral relativism but it’s really just an acceptance of the way things are. I don’t excuse any country for its history or its present, but I’m also not in the mood to lecture after what’s become of our own institutions.

At first I bought the story the PGA was selling, the historic tour doing it’s damnedest to keep the sacred game unsoiled from the barbarian horde. But I also figured a little competition would be good for golf. Some of the changes in the LIV game were interesting at least, 54 holes and team play. Both tours came to Tulsa in the last two years. Not bad for a midsize city. But now it looks like all the grand posturing from the PGA was a big joke. Should I be surprised?  

 

 

Ephesians 1: Recognizing the Promise

 Maturity for the Inheritance in Christ

The first chapter of Ephesians is full of powerful promises for believers’ authority in Christ. Our inheritance depends on understanding the eternal promises we have through revelation.

 I particularly like this passage in verse 18 and 19. “I pray that the eyes of your heart be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who believe.”

The Mystery

You can almost feel Paul trying to let them in on a great mystery which they don’t fully understand. It’s a wonderful prayer for any believer because it alerts them to an otherworldly understanding of Christ’s victory over death. In Paul’s prayer, there is both acknowledgement of the victory and recognition of our role in the earth. We are victorious with Jesus. If we can get an understanding of the historic significance of Christ’s life, death and resurrection, we’ll begin to walk in the same confidence. It’s the difference between surveying a plot of land and making arrangements once it’s been paid for.

With Christ however, we already have the plot. We can move forward once we recognize that He already paid for it. The only thing to do is begin building on it. The ownership we possess was free to us, but it’s now up to us to maintain it. That requires gaining knowledge of our new territory. Knowledge means learning and learning means growing up. Even that idea of ownership doesn’t carry the same eternal weight of what Paul describes to the Ephesians. This otherworldly understanding is something we can only grasp through revelation. “I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you’re the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better.” (verse 17).

The Vision

This isn’t a light bulb moment either. It’s a vision of the future that becomes clearer as we walk closer to God. Salvation comes first. We’re able to understand His great love initially, but recognizing our authority and power and dominion takes years. How many times have I read this chapter of Ephesians and thought “Yeah that sounds nice”. But Paul isn’t talking about nice. He practically begs them to understand their authority. A believer who understands authority versus one who doesn’t, is as different as a parent and a toddler. The toddler is still mostly helpless. Their world is small and shallow. They know they’re loved but lack any skill or experience to do for themselves. Their interest doesn’t’ expand beyond their immediate wants. Dependency defines their existence.

The parent knows how to manipulate the world and care for others. Life has taught them a lot about behavior, discipline, authority and power. They’re also wise enough to know when to use their power. Becoming a parent transformed their idea of what and who are important. Selflessness defines their existence. They make plenty of mistakes but recognize their obligation to others.

The Message

The journey from toddler to parent is an effective picture of our walk in Christ. The maturity we grow in demands a greater understanding of our role and inheritance. No one who is still a toddler will ever know what a great inheritance they have. They lack the mental framework for such a big idea. Many believers stall out somewhere in early childhood, unable to grow into the next phase of understanding. If the inheritance feels too much like fiction we don't put in the time to learn.

I can’t help thinking that Paul’s description is for an audience of ‘children’. The picture I have is of kids in a classroom sitting around a circle while a teacher reads to them from a story book. Their imaginations are quite vivid. Their stories contain knights and dragons and lands beyond the sea where no human has set foot. He’s asking them to imagine a place where they already have a title and authority. But it’s not a fictional place. It’s part of their inheritance.

Conclusion

The goal for Christians in every age is to get a vivid picture of their inheritance in Christ. There remains a gigantic gap in knowledge between salvation and effectiveness though. Paul doesn’t spell out the difficulty inherent in a life of service. Later in the letter he calls himself a “Prisoner of Christ Jesus” and points, here and there, to life’s difficulties. But he doesn’t dwell on it. His letter is full of promise and hope and victory because of the amazing contrast between death and life. We don’t focus on trials in this life because we have an example of how to overcome. The promise keeps us going through it all. The apostle Paul wants our focus on the eternal, not the temporary. That’s how you get children to listen. Point to better and show them how Christ did it first.

 

 

A Run Through Tulsa

 

Renewal and Direction: Trusting God with the Plans

I went for a run yesterday through the downtown area. During May and June the runner’s group takes a break from marathon training. Most of us keep our regular Saturday morning time though. I only know that because I saw a handful of regulars out on the bike path. Routines keep us centered. As tough as it is to get up early, it’s the feeling of missing out that keeps me going.

When you start training for long distances it shrinks the city to manageable routes. You get to know the streets and neighborhoods on a comfortable level. I can still get lost, but never without some idea of where I’m at. The most common thing that happens is that I assume a landmark is a farther distance away than it actually is. I ran through some old downtown neighborhoods, crossed over the 51 highway and shot straight though the heart of the business district. I turned left at the Drillers ballpark (Oneok field) down Greenwood Avenue and into the Oklahoma State University parking lot. I thought this was about 3 miles. It was closer to 2.5, good guess.

 I took a slightly modified route back through the city and old neighborhood. This time I went east toward the public bike trail. The trail leads to the Gathering Place and continues toward the river portion. The way back was 2 miles longer than I anticipated, poor guess.

 In all I covered just over 10 miles before getting back to my car. I figured I’d be in the 8 mile range. It’s tough to be exact, but I’ve always got a decent idea of where I’m at and how far I’ve run. Thanks to Runner’s World, I’ve developed a sense of direction when it comes to the city. Anytime I run past familiar spots, I remember what it looked like when I moved here.

It helps me gain perspective. It reminds me of the renewal taking place in my heart.

I’ve been coming downtown since at least 2009. I moved in 2008 and had at least one class at the community college TCC (Tulsa Community College). It sits at the edge of what most people would consider “downtown”. I didn’t venture into the Brady district until I took classes at Oklahoma State Tulsa campus. The Blue Dome district had the best restaurants and bars. One Communications professor I had took the whole class to McNellies Pub for pints and group discussion. This was a Master’s level course and everyone was over 21. It sticks in my mind because it was so different from the usual classroom experience I was used to. Right across the street was an El Guapo’s Cantina with a lovely open air balcony for those warm summer nights.

Tuesday nights meant $1 taco and $2 Tecates. Nothing says “college friendly” like endless beer and low quality meat till 2 am. My girlfriend met me there a couple of times for a cheap date and socializing. She always brought a few friends along, who doesn’t love chips and salsa? The new Drillers (baseball team) stadium went up in 2010. It’s a perfect location for what developers were trying to do in the city. The new facility ensured thirsty, hungry people would suddenly appear. “If you build it they will come” sorry, couldn’t resist. That’s about the time the Brady district, now called the Brady Arts district exploded. Summers are full of patrons at bars, restaurants, art shows and outdoor music at the park. A city block of high end condos looms large across from the stadium now. A brand new BMX indoor park and headquarters opened this year. 

Tulsa really nailed it on their summer downtown weekend experiences.

But all of this building has really changed the landscape in a short time. In my recent memory, the city has filled in so many of the empty lots and run down spaces I can hardly remember what existed before. It’s why I like to run through the downtown area. It’s an up close view of a city in renewal. Not all of the businesses that opened are still around of course. But there is life and energy where none existed. You can’t get the same experience in your car. Cities are notoriously difficult to navigate that way. All the stop lights and one way streets make noticing the changing landscape nearly impossible. Running allows for a more attentive look.

It also reminds me of the person I was just over a decade ago. The anxieties about the future seemed always present and in control. Everything changes when you move. A new life means a new job, friends, school, culture, church and even adjusting to the weather. We hardly ever end up where we aim, but maybe it’s for the best. Proverbs 16:9 says, “A man plans his way but the Lord directs his steps”. It’s oddly comforting to put your trust in the Lord and allow Him to point.

The renewal of the city means improvement, the renewal of my heart means direction.  

The Long Awaited Report: Durham Torches the FBI

 

Evidence That Demands A Trial: Durham's Report Blames FBI Arrogance

Once upon a time, not long ago, I was very optimistic about the particulars of the Durham Report.

 Finally, the plot by the FBI to overthrow a President would be exposed. Justice would finally be done. Crooked officials would be held to account. The plotters who cooked this up would be hoisted on their own petard. Everyone could at long last make some sense of Trump’s anger toward Comey, McCabe, Strzok and even Sessions. I don’t believe anyone will actually be held to account for this. Certainly they won’t be tossed into jail and denied a proper defense like the January 6^th folks. But at least the report is forcing some conversations about the behavior of the FBI.

I didn’t read the whole report but I’ve read all the news accounts and they’re all in agreement as to what it contains, sort of. If your information is a little rusty on this Trump Russia stuff I’ll give you a brief history. During the 2016 campaign, Hillary Clinton cooked up some opposition research with the help of a former British spy, Christopher Steele and Fusion GPS. They put a dossier together with lies about Trump colluding with Russia. The FBI used this to get a warrant to spy on the Trump campaign. They knew it was lies. They knew it was illegal. There was never any evidence of the Trump campaign’s illegality.

They were essentially working for the Clinton campaign and the White House was helping them. My biggest problem with the whole charade, reports, investigations, dossiers and depositions of this sordid story is the lack of a genuine penalty for such an obvious crime. That lack of a penalty is the reason the fake investigation went so far. The FBI knew they had a backstop in place, Trump called this backstop the “deep state”.

 In spots, Durham’s language in the report is worded to make the FBI seem like a sloppy crew instead of the gangsters they really are. Essentially he says they did a poor job. But the point was to overwhelm Trump and keep him from looking into Clinton’s illegalities. By that measure they did an amazing job. Durham isn’t stupid.

The report implies mishandling and bias, even breaks from tradition like letting Trump’s people know they’re being surveilled. I know you aren’t supposed to assign motive when writing these things, but common. Everyone can read between the lines. Someone who breaks down a door and steals jewelry isn’t “Failing to let the owners know of their arrival”. They are “crooks” because their actions are criminal and everyone can see it.

The sheer number of ‘mistakes’ from the FBI is a signal that “Crossfire Hurricane” wasn’t a good faith investigation. Especially since the mistakes always fall against Trump.

Crossfire Hurricane launched just days after they got their hands on the Steele Dossier. The dossier was a load of sensational nonsense, salacious enough (Russian hookers peeing) that the media would be guaranteed to pick it up. But starting the investigation right after getting the dossier? That’s as close to proof as you can get that they weren’t interested in corroborating the story. They were on team Clinton. They didn’t need to corroborate anything. Steele used a guy named Igor Danchenko to ‘investigate’ Trump in Russia. He made up a dirty story and the FBI ran with it. They even told Christopher Steele they would pay him up to a million if he could verify the claims in the dossier. He couldn’t. Even the feds didn’t think there was anything to it.

I knew this whole Durham Report business was in trouble when he couldn’t get a conviction on some very clear charges against MichaelSussman. He’s the lawyer from Perkins Coie that lied to the FBI about his involvement with the Clinton campaign. Igor Danchenko was also acquitted on charges of lying to the FBI. Yes, these are low level charges. But if you can’t get convictions the rest of your case dries up. It’s tough to catch big fish when all you can manage is seaweed along the river bank. I’m also not sure how much John Durham wanted to get convictions. He tried the cases in front of Washington DC juries. They’re notoriously sympathetic to the Democrat party. Most likely he compiled the report with enough information to implicate half of the Justice Department. 

At the very least, the report is another red pill for Americans who still think the FBI is full of dedicated law and order types. Their lawless behavior is proof that they didn’t fear prosecution. I’m sure we’ll get Senate hearings in the coming months and we might get a few good one liners from Cruz and Hawley. But real prosecution? naw brah.  

It’s been said you should never assign malice to that which can be explained by incompetence. With the FBI it’s time to invert that. Perhaps this time will be different; nothing changes until the American people demand it though.  

The Return of the Gods: Review

Connecting the Ancient World to the Modern: Our Pagan World

Jonathan Cahn’s The Return of the Gods shows how mythological deities still vie for control of our lives. Their historical period of exile is over, now they’re back.  

Ancient civilizations have always had pagan practices and deities with strange backstories. They translate from culture to culture. Canaanites worshiped a female deity names Ishtar, a sorcerer and possessor of human souls. The Greeks called her Aphrodite and the Romans, Venus. Baal likewise, went through transformations of culture (Zeus to the Greeks) while retaining the essence of an all powerful god. We tend to think of these incarnations of gods as myths that societies passed from generation to generation as a means of interpreting their world. They were certainly that, but what if they were more?

Cahn believes these are demonic entities controlling human behavior. The book’s thesis hangs on this verse from Mathew 12:45 “So shall it also be with this wicked generation.” In other words, when Jesus tells his disciples that after an evil spirit is cast out of a man it goes into dry places. But it eventually returns and brings with it additional spirits. The man with the returned evil spirits is worse than he was originally. The verse is a parable about nations or cultures instead of a man. When nations follow a moral course of action they ‘exorcise’ the evil from their civilization.

According to Cahn, Christianity pushed out the ‘gods’ of old and reclaimed most of the Western world for Christ. The Middle Ages saw the influence of the Church after the disciples, and Paul, spread the gospel as far as Asia Minor. Many people were in bondage to evil spirits through their pagan rituals and rites. Christianity ended the practice of child sacrifice especially, but it also put to death the idea that people could have other gods. There was one true God, and His son Jesus represented the Divine reaching out to the sinful and the lost.

The gods could only come back “if there had been a falling away from the Christian faith and a biblical worldview”. (p.33) There isn’t one incident he points to but a series of milestones, all post World War II in America signifying a spiritual shift in the Christian landscape.

He understands the importance of symbolism in the spirit realm. The Bible uses dates and events that parallel each other. This way, the Christian believer can see connections in the story. Jesus restored man back to the Father in the same way that Adam lost it. He was hung on a tree made of wood. It’s a picture of Noah, saving humanity on an ark made from trees. Abraham tried to offer his son Isaac as a sacrifice to God, a picture of God offering His only Son. Incidentally, Calvary is the same place where Abraham took Isaac as a sacrifice.

The symbolic nature of evil works the same way. Pagans celebrate ancient festivals and rites through the ages. Ishtar, the Mesopotamian female goddess, holds the month of June as sacred. June’s connection to Tammuz, Ishtar’s lover, centers on ‘sexual freedom’ where men took on feminine roles and women masculine roles. It’s also the month where the Stonewall (gay rebellion 1969) uprising took place in New York. The Supreme Court legalized homosexuality, threw out the Defense of Marriage Act and legalized gay marriage (Obergefell v Hodges) All of this near the end of June in different years.

He probably draws out the symbolism a bit too much in spots. The problem of ancient deities (spirits) expressed in various cultures is the grab bag of characteristics assigned to them. Ishtar is known as: the goddess of war and destruction, transgressor of standards, goddess of prostitution, and a seducer. She is fiery, impetuous, impulsive, greedy, emotional, demanding, stormy, fierce, prideful, vindictive and countless others.  When each god is known through literature as having over 100 attributes, it goes without saying that it will be easy to connect some dots.

It’s part history lesson and part warning. The ancient spirits that try to turn mankind from the one true God are more active than ever. We’ve brought them back because we’ve pushed God out. We don’t get to decide not to have a god. That place in our hearts that desires worship will not hold a vacuum. We can push out the Creator but we’ll quickly fill it with something that doesn’t honor Him. Fortunately, the Bible gives us a record of people who thought exactly as we do. They turned from their true love and invited foreign gods, ideas and lifestyles in. It took prophets to help them correct course. Jeremiah saw his people taken captive because of their rejection of Yahweh.

But God sent His son to us in this age, to redeem us for all time. I was thrilled that Cahn wrapped up the message with an invitation. A sad story needs hope after all. We have that in Christ.

Jonathan Cahn’s relentless pursuit of connection makes The Return of the Gods an enjoyable learning experience.

Experience in the Woods: Psalm 116

 

Psalm 116: Start at the Tower

“I love the Lord, because He has heard my voice and my supplications. Because He has inclined His ear to me, therefore I will call upon Him as long as I live”. (1-2)

A Refuge 

So much of that verse sums up my history with God. Especially when I was younger, God was a refuge and high tower in times of trouble. I tried to do most of life on my own from the ages of 17 to 30 something. I started at 17 because it’s when I graduated high school. I went to a Christian school, attended church weekly and believed whole heartedly in salvation for all and the second coming. But it takes years to develop a relationship with God, where He is more than just a refuge. He will always be that of course, but it’s meant to be a starting point in the life of a believer.

We run to a refuge when nothing else is available and danger is closing in. A classic example of a refuge is a lookout tower in the woods. Its purpose is for the watchman to look for wildfires and notify the authorities. But it’s also the safest place to hide from predators. The unique perspective one gets from a high place determines the next step he’ll take. Whenever I’ve gotten myself into a mess in life I’ve looked for the tower. It helps to reset my soul when I’m in distress. I also feel completely safe, even while the fires spread around me.

A Protector

I read a book a few years ago called Those Who Wish Me Dead now a movie with Angelina Jolie. The story goes, a 12 year old sees a murder and has to go into witness protection. The couple hiding him live in Montana and take troubled kids on wilderness hikes. It’s supposed to be the best way to hide him. They teach survival skills and navigation in some of the harshest terrain. But eventually the past catches up to the boy. After a chaotic chase, he stumbles up to a tower manned by a former smokejumper; she becomes his protector in a threatening and dangerous world.     

We need that comfort throughout our lives. In different phases of life whether student, employee, parent and grandparent we get lost and afraid no matter how many times we’ve walked the trails.

But God wants us to get beyond just needing to be bailed out because we didn’t watch the weather or pack the right equipment. He gives us equipment to use in our journey. It’s designed for the terrain, the weather and the topography. It’s more than just a map of pitfalls, depressions and inclines. Our equipment has the ability to change circumstances. Our words direct our path. The agreement we have on earth comes from the One who conquered the grave. Jesus gives us authority to carry around with us in the form of scripture. We don’t have to run back to the tower every time the sky looks ominous. It’s our duty to use what we already have.

A Compass

This is simpler to say than to know, often because we have the wrong view of God. He doesn’t exist to fulfill our personal goals and visions. That takes a while to figure out as well. Culture works against the notion that God is all we need. It’s a selfish kind of philosophy that (even among Christians) centers around hopes, dreams and aspirations of the individual. As a philosophy it’s somewhere between humanism and hedonism. Needless to say, it’s antithetical to the Creator’s vision for humanity. The more we use the compass, the less we run to the tower. We understand when to go high and when to go low, where to find water and how to set up shelter.

And even better, we begin to lead our own crews through the trails that have now become familiar. There will be other boys who join us for protection, teaching and a new beginning. They’re as unfamiliar as we were at the beginning, just as self-indulgent too. But no matter how scary the surroundings, we’ve learned to overcome them and find our way. The tower is always there. It’s a constant in our lives when we’re lost and scared, we orient ourselves below it.

Conclusion

 Stay in the woods long enough and you’ll experience a fire, a flood, a freeze. You’ll be lost at least once and likely run out of food. But with experience comes peace. It’s why the author of Psalm 116 can say in verse 6 and 7 “I was brought low and He saved me. Return to your rest, O my soul, for the Lord has dealt bountifully with you.”

The weather won’t change, only our ability to trust in the one Who overcame the storm.

 

OKC Run to Remember

I ran the OKC marathon yesterday. Time 5:43

 Actually, run is a bit of a misnomer. The first half was a run and the second was a combination of walking and jogging. The marathon didn’t go as planned, but at least it was a fun experience. I know it’s unusual to talk about a grueling affair like a marathon and call it “fun”. But as the route winds through different areas of the city, runners get to see locals out in groups cheering you on. More than one church had a choir outside singing gospel hymns as we passed by. Most of the neighborhoods had festive themes, I remember a boating theme and a gorilla theme. People waving flags, wearing costumes and handing out Jello shots and mimosas lined the roads. Kids could be seen everywhere holding funny signs “The End is Not Near” and “Run Like the Winded”. They shouted motivational statements “Looking Good” and “You’re Amazing” while trying to high fives from everyone. I passed at least two high school bands in full uniform playing selected ‘rah-rah’ pieces.  

The festive atmosphere is enough to try it sometime if you haven’t. I recommend the half marathon because it’s more accessible. I won’t say it’s easy, but with a little training most people can compete and enjoy themselves. The one is Oklahoma City is called the “Run to Remember” and has only been around for 23 years. It’s a fundraiser meant to honor the legacy of those who died in the bombing of 1995. You see the victim’s faces as you make the final turn before the finishing stretch. The organizers created a personal sign for each one, a thoughtful and somber gesture connecting runner to victim.

I rented an Air B&B (an old Victorian) which was very close to the downtown area. I searched for it based on it’s proximity to the start of the race. I had hoped to walk there but felt better about driving once morning came. I needed to get coffee from McDonalds before the race and that required having my car. But once I left, the police started putting up barricades on the roads. I wouldn’t have been able to get back to the old Victorian if I wanted to, the road now off limits. But I managed a decent spot right behind the memorial and walked to the start. I was an hour early at least. A pastor had given a short invocation before the race. I caught just the end of it and sang a worship song with the crowd. I was mostly impressed that in a large city in America, outright worship of God is still permitted even encouraged.

I expected the pace groups to be separated a little more than they were. Depending on your pace, you were expected to enter the mass of runners at various points. If you ran at a 10:00 minute pace (like me) you enter a few hundred yards behind the 9:00 pace and so on. It’s not ideal because it ensures a slow start for everyone except the handful of people in the front. But I found my pace pretty quickly after making the first turn. It’s a jumble of people (19,000 and up) who occasionally get in the way but it’s’ not hard to get around them. I started feeling winded around the 8 mile mark. I knew something wasn’t right because I shouldn’t have been so tired so soon into the run. My stamina and energy went down from there and never recovered. I managed to finish but it felt like a failure.

This happens on occasion and I don’t know what to do about it. I ran a short 3 mile practice run a few months ago on a chilly Thursday morning. For some reason I barely finished. Other days I could run 12 or 15 without much difficulty. I’m never sure what the reason is. Some days you just aren’t yourself.

Fortunately, the owner (or caretaker) of the Victorian Bed & Breakfast allowed me to come back after the race and shower before leaving. Checkout time was 10:00 am normally. I didn’t get back until after 1:00 pm. The race finish wasn’t near the start, something I probably should have known. That meant asking the volunteers how I could get back. I took the light rail back to the city center, thanks to a couple other runners who knew the layout of the downtown. But my biggest concern was that I’d get sick on the train. But I managed to hold it together on the short ride to the memorial, where my car was, and drive back to the Victorian. After a quick shower I packed and headed out.

I’ve been going through some soul searching ever since. What caused my meltdown? Should I even be doing marathons? How could I have been so unprepared? Whatever the answer, I wont stop the training runs. I do enjoy the Saturday group sessions and they keep me fit and improving my overall stamina. Event or no event, I’m a runner now.