Working Through Life's Occasional Malaise

 

 Hard Work is a Foundational Principle

Do I still appreciate writing or has my lax schedule forced me to rethink it altogether?

It’s a chore rather a love anymore. I write less because I’m studying for a personal trainer’s exam. More days of the week are consumed with at least an hour and a half in the evening spent reading and answering questions in a study guide. Writing is suddenly my neglected skill but I wouldn’t trade the current situation. I like learning about the human body, exercise, nutrition and strength. My obligation to both my personal and business websites, has taken a beating. There’s no sense complaining about it. The adjustment is necessary for my part time job prospects. But I do feel like I’ve neglected my first love.

Appreciate the Process?

It's possible that I’m feel guilty about not being interested in a lot of the things I used to be interested in. That’s a different kind of guilt. How many times have I written about losing interest in a topic? Running and scripture are about the only 2 things I consistently write about anymore. I’ll put other things up but it seems obligatory. I needed to get this week’s quota of writing on the site, so here it goes. A lot of good writing starts out as a freeform exercise so I’m not knocking it. But I don’t comment on politics as much. I don’t really know what’s going on and that’s a difficult thing to admit. How much in the news (mainstream or alternative) is true and how much is false? No idea. I clicked on a link to a story about Covid, or maybe the vaccine. I got a few hundred words in and thought, “nope…don’t care”. That happens a lot now. Not only on Covid stuff but on a whole catalogue of current events.

 Sports are barely on the radar as a topic of interest. It’s tough to get jazzed about entertainment when so much of life in this country is looking very grim. I told myself I wouldn’t bleed out despair in this post but some of it is unavoidable.

Appreciate Entertainment?

When it comes to TV and movies, I don’t spread my wings much. Most nights I tune in for an hour before going to bed. It’s either serial shows that I’ve seen already (Seinfeld, Cheers) or long running dramas (Blue Bloods) that have been on the air for years. That last window of time before I go to bed is my zone out time. I don’t want to get creative or try something new. I’m officially winding down. The only topics I want are the easily digestible, light comedy or formulaic detective shows. I haven’t done any reviews lately because again, it’s tough to get jazzed about entertainment. Not to mention, sports and film are so painfully woke I don’t have the energy to wrestle with it, hence the old shows.

I’ll admit that a lot of this recent malaise and reluctance to write is very attitude driven. It’s like that unfinished part of your spare bedroom you’ve been meaning to work on but never do. The best you can manage is to walk through, look at the walls and take some mental notes about colors and furniture. Then you sit down with bowl of Breyers mint chocolate chip and complain about how expensive the project will be.

Appreciate the Wins?

At some point it’s just laziness. It’s more than laziness though; there’s a mental fatigue that comes from being overwhelmed by outside influences. That’s not an excuse but it does get closer to the problem. When nothing in life is going right, everything is a struggle. From finances to relationships and physical or mental strain, creativity gets pushed out and indifference takes over. Writers have to write, struggles and all. No one gets a break to sit one out. No one gets to take a month off and ignore the bills or eat what they like every day. We can’t tell our employer “Just, No” for a week and expect to keep our job. Life is crushing at times and we have to learn how to juggle events, work projects and family time. It’s true for writers and it’s true for everyone.

But we appreciate the growth because it’s hard. We value hard won victories. From a slight increase in jogging pace to a smaller waist size after a full season of running. Because what’s the alternative? We can’t keep avoiding hard tasks. Humans are meant to build and increase and grow. Not only our physical bodies but also our mental faculties. Learning anything requires foundational principles from which to build on top of. But just as easily we can ignore the building phase and opt for an easier existence. There’s also a habit-forming quality to avoiding difficulties as well. It’s not hard to imagine what this looks like. Take the easy path every time and life is difficult in a whole new way. You create a different set of problems when you’re a slave to the easy life.

Conclusion

Problems might be a part of life but I’m a problem solver. That’s a statement of intent more than a recognition of an absolute truth. I might be doing less writing these days but I’m not putting it aside entirely. It’s the clearest method I’ve found for problem solving and communicating an idea. Not to mention, it’s cathartic because it allows me to explore my thoughts (crackpot theories?) in a pseudo-intellectual way. For now though, it’s back to studying.